| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: There's this girl I'm very close friends with.. about 5 month ago, we were dating for about a month, but then she left me and told me that she only saw me as a friend. Over the past about 4 months that we have been just friends, we've hooked up on several occasions, and I even lost my virginity to her. The thing is, I am so in love with this girl that it makes me sick to my stomach more and more every single day. She thinks I don't have any more feelings for her than anything more tan a friend, but I am so ridiculously in love with her, and it is impossible for me to tell her that. Her sweet sixteen is coming up, and if I'm going to tell her how I feel for her, I have to do it afterwards: I don't want to put the stress on her back of knowing I love her when she doesnt have the same feelings for me. I don't want her to feel guilty, or sorry for me. Even if I tell her and she says no,I just need to get it off of my chest and tell her how I feel, but I don't know how. I've never told a girl that I was in love with her because, well, I've never felt like this before. Now that I know this girl, every other relationship or hookup I have ever been in, looking back, they all just seem completely pointless and meaningless. I would do literally anything for her, I would take a bullet for her, I would walk a thousand miles in the freezing cold if it meant being with her and making her happy. I just don't know what I should do, I'm a guy, and I've never been afraid to tell anyone what I think or how I feel, and this just seems like an impossible task. It should be easy, since me and her are practically best friends, and we talk about literally EVERYTHING.. I trust her with anything, and she trusts me and knows I would do anything for her, if she just said the word. Say what you will about making things complicated, since I'm in love with one of my best friends, but I can't help how I feel about this girl and I just need to be with her again.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2006): You'll hate this possibly, but if she says no, it means no. It doesn't matter whether you want to be with her, do things with her, be there for her, treat her right, live through life with her. Like I said, when she says no, it simply means no.
HOWEVER, if she doesn't know, and you haven't said anything, then go for it. There are two brighter choices here that I can see at the moment: 1) be there for her, whenever you can, be there with her, whenever she allows you to, continue to be great friends, maybe make your move later on, or 2) come out in the open right now and tell her how you feel. Like I always say to threads like this, if you never tell her, you risk losing a deeper companionship with her. If you tell her, you risk losing her as a friend. Then again, if you don't do anything, ever, then you will regret the "what if" factor.
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