A
male
age
30-35,
*he Prince
writes:Im an 18 year old South Asian male. Cousin marriages are legal (traditionally and religiously) and quite common in my country and even in my family. I love my 16 year old first cousin (daughter of my father's sister), I had a crush on her around 3 years ago, we used to have alot of eye contact and close moments. i gave her a lot of signs that I liked her. Last month she told me that she wanted to talk to me about something, but said that she'll do so after my exams are over so that my studies wont be affected, we didnt meet for around 2 weeks after she said this. 10 days ago (night before my SAT exam :D), I was online on MSN and she also came online, we started talking, ultimately the topic came to the point, I confessed that i really loved her and wanted to be with her for the rest of my life, most of the time she kept saying that its too early to be so sure about ur future, she said wat if we both fall in love with different people few years from now and stuff like that, i assured her that no matter what happens I could not think of being with anyone other than her, then she told me that 3 years ago she had a crush on me, and then she said that she does love me but isnt sure abt her feelings. I asked her to get engaged with me, since that could be a great binding factor and would make sure that we remain sincere to each other, she said she needed time to think about it, i said okay take your time and dont hesitate to tell me if your answer is no. I again asked her how she felt about me before closing the chat, and she said that i wasnt even sure that you liked me, i did have signs but i wasnt sure, i havent listened to the 'inner-me' since a pretty long time, now i'll listen to myself and let you know how i feel abt you. She also said that do think again, cuz i am not a very good person etc. But this isnt something new, she tends to think of herself as not-a-very-good person etc. I again assured her that i liked her the way she is and didnt want her to change. We talked for about 4 hours on a stretch, making confessions. Then she told me to go and prepare for the SAT cuz she was worried about my exam.Plz tell me where do we stand!! and what should my future line of action be......should I ask her out or something??.....Plz help me....i'll be more than grateful for ur time!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): I think your cousin doesn't share your feelings. It is not matter if you can or can't marry her. Is about what she feels.
Be patience, maybe your feelings will change with time. If she is not sure, let her find out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): I'm with my first cousin and no one really knows about it.I will admit it is kind of hard because you dont want anyone to make fun of you.We have been together for three years and we are very happy.I hope you are lucky like i am.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): hey falling in love with your first cousin is totally normal for south asians and west indians.. Trust me i love my cousin first cousin more than a cousin.. and were together right now we dont care what people think.. & you cant do anything bout it cause you cant controle your feelings & if your cousin is thinking bout it and her answer turns out a no? than just dont force her into likeing you more than a cousin..because u never noe she might not even like you as a cousin if you force her... so just let things be and maybe she might fall madly in love with you afterwards... Totally normal... Some people in U.S and Canada dont understand falling in love with your cousins(first cousins) ... I hope everything turns out well best of luck3
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I live with my first cousin who is also the daughter of my father's sister. We were brought up in the same manner and consequently have the same values in life. We have so much in common, and can tell what the other is thinking most of the time. Perhaps it's in the genes. Whatever, from a personal point of view living with her is like living in paradise.
Your cousin, at 16, is perhaps just a little too young to be embarking on any lifelong romance just yet, but give it a couple of years. Spend as much time as you can together during that period. You'll both be a little more mature then and have a clearer idea of the direction you wish to go in life. If at that time you both feel the same as you do now, from a personal point of view I can only recommend either living together or getting married.
There is one possible downside. If you have children there is a very slightly increased risk of them having birth defects. Thanks to the wonders of the internet you can find out for yourself what the risks are.
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I can't tell from your post where you live. I'm pretty sure it is still illegal in the USA to marry a first cousin, but I suppose the county clerk would know for sure. But, I think that is secondary to the fact that from what you describe, your cousin may love you as a friend, as a cousin, but is not in love with you. She's stalling and saying she needs to get back to you because she doesn't feel the same way as you do, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings, and probably is worried that if she doesn't return your love your friendship will end. I think you would only damage your relationship with her if you push her to go out with you. Let her get through college, or at least high school, and if she has decided by then that she is in love with you, maybe you'll have a good chance.
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