A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:im a married man of 22 years i recently met a woman and fell deeply in love, she is not married but has two children. i cant seem to leave my home or wife but want to be with her she is the other half of me. my children are grown hers are still young, and i dont want to break my wifes heart pls help
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): Your not the first or the last that will find yourself in this position.
Contrary to what people here are saying - Love is a decision. Everyday you will choose to love your wife or not. You will not have that "high" emotion everyday and it will fade. This new woman is just new and you are infatuated.
Many things will catch your eye, but only a few (or in marrage - one) will catch your heart, follow this.
My suggestion is put your effort into building back up your marriage to where it should be. Give her the attention she needs, compliment her, buy her flowers (even when you dont feel like it). A deep, soulful relationship will be more rewarding that the feeling that are haveing with this other woman, whick wont last.
Ive been there, believe me!!!
A
male
reader, mi5  +, writes (22 May 2008):
Wow... small world. I'm a similar boat.
1. Do not act on your desire for this other woman UNTIL you have decided what you are going to do. If you already have, you are a "cheater" and it's hard to really assess anyone's true feelings or best interests because they are clouded by the excitement (and the sex).
2. You must search your soul and ask, "Would you want to leave you wife even if there were no other woman?"
This is very important. Jumping from one to the other can easily be a desperate measure to escape unhappiness, but it doesn't mean you really love the other woman, in which case, you will have destroyed 3 lives for nothing.
I disagree with the view that love is "a decision." You can no more decide which woman you are going to love any more than you can decide which day it will rain.
You could pack up, move your family and never see her again, but if you really love her, you will still love her.
Shakespearean plays are rife with the tragedy that ensues when a person denies what they really feel. Whatever happens, do NOT do this. Do not jump to this other woman if you aren't sure you don't love your wife and you DO love this other woman, and vice versa.
You got serious soul-searching to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): Follow your heart and be brave, if you are too scared to make a decision then you don't deserve either woman.
It's really not hard, go with your gut feeling and don't let security and material issues cloud your decision, otherwise you are just living a lie.
PS Love is not a decision, it is a feeling! This line gets schlepped out a lot but it's only one, narrow-minded opinion, so take no notice.
PPS eyeswideopen would you cool it with the capital letters?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Hello,
My advice is to follow your gut. If you are falling in love with another woman it means that your marriage is dead really and you are probably only staying because it is secure, what you know and because, as you say, you don't want to upset your wife.
My view is that I would prefer a man to be honest with me, however much it may hurt, than be in the dark and essentially married to a man who isn't in love with me anymore.
You should tell your wife, if you can't do that then you are living a lie and your relationship will be a sham for the rest of your married life.
I see no point in being with a partner if you can't be honest and your wife will already be aware that something isn't quite right, as women always know.
Do the decent and honest thing, but don't string them both along, for everybody's sake.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): oh, and let me guess this other woman is younger? slimmer and blonder....typical man ......why try to save your wife she's going to find out what your made of in the long run and will be better off without you!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 December 2007):
 I hope you haven't PHYSICALLY cheated on your wife albeit you have emotionally. If you haven't then you can sit back and do some evaluating regarding your feelings towards this RECENTLY met woman. Like the others said, it does sound more like lust than love. Lust is instantanious where as true love takes time to build. But you must have your wife's best interest in the first priority slot. If you decide to throw away 22 years then you owe it to her to be upfront about it. I hope you will use your brain and not your johnson on this one. There will be no going back once you make your decision.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (14 December 2007):
 Hi - you answer your own question in a way. "I have fallen in love with someone else but don't want to break my wife's heart!!!" Seems there are three people in this. One is going to have heartache. But it won't be you. So which one do you choose to have the pain, heartache and misery?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (14 December 2007):
 I think that if you have fallen in love with someone else then the correct thing to do here would be to tell your wife the truth. Sure she will be hurt, but its better to tell her the way it is, than ultimately lead her on. You have to make a choice, if you favour the other woman then tell your wife sooner rather than later, the longer you leave it the harder it will get, and the more hurt she will be. But be 100% sure that the feelings you are having for this woman are not that of lust, lust tends to be very short lived and alot of people mix up the feelings of lust with love.
Good luck
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