A
female
age
36-40,
*eenie
writes:I'm really confused on what to do... I just broke it off w/ my now ex-boyfriend of 8 months because of his creepy behavior. i.e. stealing my cell phone out of my pocket and biking away w/ it and deleting a ton of numbers causing me to call the cops on him for the 2nd time since march, smoking excessive amounts of pot and drinking and than acting weird due to his bipolar, not listening to anyone when they tell him to stop doing something multiple times. Threatening to call my mom's work (she's an e.r. nurse) and telling them that she smokes pot on occasion, and calling up her work and telling them that I have "some mass drug problem". The thing is, I still love him deeply. All I want, is for things to go back to how things were back in November-December before things became out of hand and before he started acting weird. Just about a week and a half ago, I thought he was getting better because he was offering to GIVE me his brand new Blackberry Curve, buying me things etc. And he was suddenly in a financial hole where he was going to get evicted from his apartment if he didn't pay any money. So I signed my check of $394 over to him (which was a stupid idea) and gave him $70 in cash (also a dumb idea) And than he went back to his pot smoking, weird acting ways. Well, part of me wants to say "screw what everyone else says about him and how everyone keeps telling me to just forget about him and get a restraining order on his creepy ass." And quit going out and partying and drop the friends that I have and just be w/ him because MAYBE if I stop partying, he'll stop smoking pot and stop acting weird and'll go back to the same person I knew back in November/December. The other part of me is telling me that he's a creepy asshole and just to drop him and move on w/ life. At this point, because of his weird behavior, my mom, who loved him to death before he started acting weird and out of control, wants to get a restraining order. And everyone else I know, has had issues w/ his acting weird,getting in everyone's personal bubble, etc. But I still love him to pieces. And I know, that IF I did so choose, to be w/ him again and drop my party life/friends the life I've known for the past 3 1/2 years, that all my life would be, is going to work and trying to finish school. And my mom would NEVER let him back into her house and would probably kick me out as well... So... do I keep him and try to work on things after so many lingering issues? Or... Do I drop him and go on w/ life?
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money, move on, smokes Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Teenie +, writes (15 July 2009):
Teenie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe called me today and I talked to him. He told me he missed me and I went off on him telling him the things that hurt me. And he started off saying "I'm sorry" to everything.
Than I talked to him like, 45 minutes later again, and the first thing he asked was "Are you going to have any money anytime soon? Because I need more otherwise I'm going to be kicked out." I told him "I can't do that for you. I'm sorry." Than he said "I'll call you right back." Low and behold, it's been 9 hours now since that call, and he hasn't called back.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 July 2009):
There is something you need to understand, when you're in a relationship with someone who is bipolar, they will always be "weird." My ex is bipolar, and he would routinely make up lies, either to make himself look more interesting or to hurt my feelings. The mood swings made me very uncomfortable and would cause him to instigate arguments that had to do with absolutely nothing. It is a disease that they cannot help, and they need proper medication. Your boyfriend probably smokes so much pot because he's trying to self medicate.
Honestly, the only person that can help him is himself. There's nothing you can do unless he wants to. If he wants to try different medications appropriate to his disorder and get counseling, then you can support him. Especially during manic episodes, they will spend large sums of money and go off to Neverland. So really, if this is something you want to deal with, go ahead. But it will make you emotionally drained. It's very hard to maintain a relationshp with someone who is bipolar. Just understand that a lot of it he cannot help, but you also cannot be ok with his unacceptable behavior. So don't give him money and don't put up with his BS unless he wants to make an effort.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): you have to think a bout the people who are there for you and show you love and mum always knows best as they say why dont you sit down and explain how this is affecting you and that he has to at least try and make an effort for himself and you.........for this to work set yourself a time limit that way u can say at least u tried. smoking pot can cause him not to care as much as he wants to show
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A
female
reader, AmixedBLESSING +, writes (14 July 2009):
He obviously doesn't respect you or your property. He is spending money on 'gifts' for you but then making you pay his bills. I think he stopped loving you when you became a doormat. I am sorry to say that but you need to respect the person you are with and I don't think he respects you at all. AND, look at your friends. If that is who you want to be in 5 years then stay friends with them. If you look at them and see where you DON'T want to be in 5 years then you need to find different friends. You aren't growing with your current circle, believe me, I've been there. Same faces, same parties, same friends that were going nowhere and I was with them. You have to decide who you love more, yourself or your friends/boyfriend. You have to make changes to become the person you want to be.
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