A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello.I am a Christian. My boyfriend (a Muslim) and I have been dating for some months now. We are so crazy in love with each other. At first, everything was just perfect. He gave me no reason of doubting on him and at some points I really felt he was the right one. He was having enough of his time and he was always there for me. He promised and swore that no matter what he will never leave me and I made the same promise. All his friends and some relatives know about me. But now, I just found out that he has a wife, and a son of five years. He tried telling me that before though, but I was just taking it as a joke. He even told his wife that he loves me so much and can’t leave me no matter what. She does understand that. Now I feel like my whole world has crushed down and I can’t help but break down and cry endlessly. I tried breaking up with him, but he’s hurt and doesn’t want to let me go. Now I don’t know if he loves me and I’m disturbed because he could also love his wife and I believe that someone can’t love two people at the same time. I love him so much and I just don’t see myself without him, but I’m so confused and have no idea what to do. He promised to marry me since it’s allowed to marry more than one in their religion, but I can’t accept being with a married man who might leave me for his family. I’m so crazy about him and just can’t stay away from him. Please, help!! Thanks.Broken-hearted girl.
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christian, crush, love two, married man, muslim Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your support and comforting helps, I really appreciate that. I will try to work that out though it's just not going to be easy for me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): "he thinks that its ok to have several wifes but is this really a life that you want"
Seriously, seriously consider this. I've known several people who were muslim, whose first marriages became hollow shells after the "second wife" was brought on board. No divorces in these cases, but let's be frank, the "new" wife was younger, sexy, and she was a NEW WIFE.
Talk about pain...this isn't even an affair, it's OK to do this.
Now, before all the muslims jump on me and tell me that doesn't happen, just let me say that I know this from first hand experience with these people I knew.
You really need to think about this before you get involved.
Divorce was actually pretty easy in the cases that I saw, legally at least, BUT they never happened because of support issues. The women, particularly the first wives, were in a hard place (being older, raising multiple children, no good support for them to go into the work force and no family support if they divorced, and being out of the work force for years due to homemaking and child rearing). Hey, at least in those areas, who wants to marry a woman in her 40's with 5 children by another guy vs. marry a younger woman of 20 with no children.
On the other hand, the second wives had it much easier (fewer children and much younger than the husbands...so more opportunities if they weren't treated right and decided to leave), and they were treated better because they could leave much more easily.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): you poor deluded girl. You have nothing going for you with this man. This man has nothing to offer you except tears. Walk away now, and do not announce you are leaving. You may have to go to a women's shelter if your family will not receive you. Expect this man to act angrily if you leave, that is why you never never ever warn such a man you are leaving. You may have to leave some of your things behind, but its better than what you are doing now. You are being mis-used and it is so sad to hear you dont fully realise it. Currently between Pakistan and England there is a trade going on where very young British girls are flown to Pakistan via a one way air ticket. They marry in Pakistan, but because the woman is English the man thus gains British citizenship. Then he flies back to England WITHOUT his new wife (with his new wife left behind in Pakistan, often already pregnant). So he is back in England, he living it up as a bachelor, leaving his first wife and his new wife behind in Pakistan with his Pakistan family. Where she is kept inside, in the covered up clothing, if her husband's family have to take her anywhere. Often the girl does not speak the language and lives as a virtual prisoner and domestic slave in the family home in Pakistan. And with the first wife always regarded as Number one. Bigamy is not legal in England. It is a criminal offence. In his own country (depending which Muslim country -Pakistan? Egypt? Saudi Arabia? Iraq? Iran? Indonesia? Turkey? Etc ) what you are doing would be considered highly offensive. What you are is a girl willing to behave naively and in a way that earns you no respect in the Muslim world. In the more strict Muslim country adultery is a serious criminal offence for the man and the woman. What a callous man you are involved with.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Oh you poor girl this is horrible thing to go through but am afraid you need to make a choice here, you can marry this man but share him with his wife and son or you can get out now while you can and meet someone were you will be the only women in there life. Due to his religion he thinks that its ok to have several wifes but is this really a life that you want? He may marry you then get you pregnant and then a few years down the line he might find himself wife number three do you really want to risk getting involved in that? I know it will be a hard time for you but your broken heart will heal with time and support from your family and friends. I think its better that you get out now before it gets even more messier.
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