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anonymous
writes: I'm pretty sure im in love with this girl, and she is the most amazing person iv ever met - I dont think ill ever meet anyone like her again. She isnt interested in being more than a friend with me, and i dont know how to stop lovin her.. I never stop thinkin about her. What do i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Im having the exact same problem and i dont know what to do either. Except shes in love with someone else. I was just browsing to see how to stop obsessing over her, but all the solutions turn out negative. And the hardest part of it is that you probably dont want to stop loving her. although as you said “She wants to just be friends”, im sure that maybe (not guaranteeing anything) if you prove yourself that you are loyal to her, and that you really are REAL and wont just break up with her in a month, she might say yes (Sometimes they try to make you want them by rejecting you at first.) so my advice is, “Dont give up. although you may feel kinda bad about it dont give up. who knows what could happen! althogh if you want a good result try to make sure you dont look desperate. GOOD LUCK.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): I am in the same situation right now and I am Heartbroken. I have this girl who I Love very much. She is very attractive and I have never been out with anybody like her. I waited 3 months to take her out and she finally went out for me for the 1st time in September. She lives very close to me and we kept in touch by email. I took her out again 6 weeks later to celebrate her birthday on a Saturday Night and I feel that I gave her a birthday that she never had before. We actually went out 2 days before her birthday. She had her arms around me when I took her home. We went out again 5 weeks later on a Saturday Night and I asked her if I can see her more often and she stated to me that she is seeing 2 other guys as well and we will never be more than friends which broke my heart. I am not even sure that she is seeing 2 other guys. She invited me for brunch last week to celebrate the New Year and I accepted to give it one more shot. I told her again that I Love her much more than a friend and I wanted to see her more and she turned me down again for the same reason. I was heartbroken. This girl has had some bad experiences in the past. She mentioned to me that she never had a Male Friend and every guy she meets wants something from her. She also said that our friendship is very strange because I want more than she is willing to give me. It will be very hard for me to be her male friend based on my feelings of her. In my heart, I will always feel that I am the best guy for her. We had plans to do something together next mont butI don't know if I could ever have her in front of me again. When I ask a girl out, I am interested in having some kind of relationship with her and not to be her so called male friend.-Heartbroken over this.
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reader, AtomManhattan  +, writes (19 December 2010):
I'm 31, and I've been going through the same thing for the past several years.
Just before my 28th birthday I randomly met the girl of my dreams, quite literally. She was 22, tall gorgeous, smart as hell, had a killer sense of humor and was a very talented artist. The first night I went home with her we were up talking for hours after the intimacy. She stated she was only looking for a casual hook-up as she had just gotten out of a long relationship and was moving out of state in a few months (ended up moving on my birthday). After she left, we kept in touch. I tried dating/hooking-up with other girls but it just made me feel hollow and shitty inside, as I was still in love with her, not the girl I was with. I decided I couldn't persue other women, because they always paled in comparission, and to how I felt when I was with her. It hasn't been easy, trying to just be friends. Despite the fact we live on different side of the US, she knows want more from her than she is willing to give. She has said she doesn't want to date me, and I try to be the best friend to her I can, but when she whines about hanging out with her ex and his new GF, or other guys she's dated I want to laugh and ask her if she thinks I care.
This is the type of thing that makes it so hard for me to just be friends. I want to be there for her, to comfort her, but I feel like I'm holding my finger to a hole in a dam. Like I have to censor myself, and while I feel more comfortable in my own skin when I'm with her than I have ever in my life, this juxtaposition is excruciating. She said she doesn't want to hurt me, and although she never does anything intentionally, I always feel, and she has said this, that something is always going to hurt me/make me angry. Maybe she's right. Maybe there is no happy middle ground. I still don't know when the hell to do, and that's what led me to this thread. The more I think about it, the more my grip starts to loosen. I went out to visit her a month or so ago, just for the weekend. She was inviting me back for a week in June when she's finished school, and I'm on the fence about spending another $1000 to fly across country to see her. I know if I tell her I can't do this any longer, she'll just turtle up as she does, and that will be that. I feel that she's not entirely honest with herself, and while she has my heart on a string, she doesn't know what she wants. While I was spending the weekend with her, I took the opportunity to spill my guts. I told her pretty much everything short of saying 'I love you' because I didn't want to really go there, and put that kind of pressure on her. I'm pretty sure she already knows that. She told me I wasn't 'exactly a difficult person to love' and I didn't really respond to that because I think she was just saying that as a friend. Either she's sending me the worse m,ixed signals ever, or I'm just misinterpreting things because my feelings are getting in the way. I don't know whether I should stick it out for the sake of how much I really love and adore this woman, or just cut and run, and hope she comes to her senses.
Hardest goddamned descicion of my life.
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reader, skyfirestorm  +, writes (14 November 2010):
Well I was searching for something along these lines. A girl I really liked rejected me just two days ago by saying the exact same lines so you're not alone.
Here's what the majority of the sites that came up say. When she says she just wants to be friends, tell her "I don't need a new friend" and cut off all contact from her. Block her in IM. Delete her phone number (if you think that helps). Don't pick up her calls. However cliched it may sound, it's the best method IMO.
Don't be her friend, because she'll just use you. She'll talk to you about her adventures with other guys and ask you for help with things but she won't give any. After all, you wouldn't turn down someone who would do anything for you, would you?
And if you think you're gonna change her mind by sticking around her some more, let me tell you that she has more or less made up her mind about you already. To back that up, I fell in love with this girl three years ago. She said no and I tried to change her mind. She said "let's be friends" and I took that statement literally. Now three years have passed and I didn't acomplish anything. Unless you really want to be JUST her friend, don't be her friend.
So what you should do now is to go out there and meet new people. Trust me, you WILL meet someone like her, maybe someone even better. That girl three years ago I mentioned, I felt the same about her. Then I met this girl who happened to be the one who rejected me two days ago. Almost instantly I fell out of love with the previous one. Currently I'm thinking that I'll never meet another girl like this one, but I know it's not true. I'll wait, and I know that an even better one is out there, and that I will meet her soon.
Do what you want to do. For me it's dancing and playing soccer. Know that the more you're having fun, the faster you're forgetting about her.
If she tries to communicate with you brush her off quickly. When she asks for your help, tell her to go find someone else or to figure it out by herself. If she starts telling you about the guy she finds hot, give an excuse to end the conversation. Don't end up as her slave.
She might then miss your presence and then realize how much of an impact you used to have on her life. When she sees you the next time she might see you in a different light. She might reconsider. Even better if she sees you around with other girls because jealousy does wonders on girls. They love a little challenge too. Remember, nice guys don't win. Work on being the one being chased.
This is not my opinion. It's just what I've learnt through the internet so I'm kinda summarizing it up as I type this in my own words. I'm also comforting myself at the same time. I hope this makes a difference.
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reader, SilentBob +, writes (21 September 2010):
Jesus Christ! i am going through a rough time its hard to explain the feelings man, they are really extreme. me and this girl knew eachother for the longest time but have gotten close only recently. we liked the same stuff, we would talk for hours at night and we just had so much in common. i loved her and she told me she wasnt looking for a relationship at the moment..... i was shot in the dark. but she said she wanted to take it slow to develope a stronger crush (whatever that meant) and so i agreed. time went by we would talk she tell me i am the sweetest guy she ever met and that she appreciates that i care. i would treat her soooo nice and for 3 months this went on then BAM! one day she tells me she just wants to cut the bullshit and just BE FRIENDS!! friends dont kiss and snuggle... you dont treat friends that way, what are guys like us supposed to think. its like they tell us that they like us to the point of where they actually lead you on for a long period of time then tell you that they just wanna be friends? that hurts. i dont want to get over her cuz there is no one else like her i know that for a fact. i guess only time can tell right.... hopefully she changes her mind :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): Try to move on. I am 30 yrs old. I been through the similar situation at 10 to 15 times …but if you truly love her ..try to be her friend.. the probability she changing her mind from being a friend to BF is about 3% to 5%.but she will try to come back to you when you are with someone else….
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): dude, i really feel for you. i like this girl who keeps sending me mixed messages. we went to the cinema today as friends but now, she tells me she just wants to stay friends even after we both admit we like each other. worst thing is, she is my 1st crush. i just dont know how to move on. in fact, i dont want to move on. this girl is absolutely amazing 10/10 in every aspect but i just dont know what to do. i dont know if i love her as shes only my 1st crush but she had me in tears like 10 mins ago when she told me via msn that we're just friends. worst of all, i cant talk to her for 2 weeks cos shes going on holiday. keep your head up man. women underestimate how hard it is for us sometimes
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reader, Heartbroken94 +, writes (19 July 2010):
Fuck man I know exactly how you feel. I'm going thru that exact shit right now. This girl was always flirting with me in class and initially I didn't really have any feelings for her. But then once I developed a love for her I asked her out and she said yes. I was so happy and told her how I liked her. And she tells me that she thinks me as a friend. Now I'm so depressed and can't get her out of my head. Girls always send me these mixed signals and I can't read em properly. I mean this girl even drew a heart on one of my papers and wrote her name + my name on the inside of that heart, and now when I really love her she just wants to be friends. Now I'm so lost, jealous and everything sometimes I wish she just never flirted
with me in the first place. Right now I'm typing this cuz I can't sleep bcuz I just keep thinking of her. But I guess that these bad times we are feelin can only be bcuz of the good times we have had with these confusing girls. I really hope I willl someday be able to either develop a real relationship with this girl or forget about her. Sometimes I really think love is evil :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): I feel for you bro. I am in a very similar situation. I recently got out of a relationship and met up with a girl I had a huge thing for in high school. We hadn't talked for six months, but I learned that we both had just gotten out of relationships, and that we still had pretty much everything in common.I've always knew this girl was so awesome on so many levels, and I still have not met anyone as beautiful as her. Needless to say, we got carried away with ourselves that night. She said so many things to me, "your perfect this" and "i need someone like you" that. We got very intimate with each other, but stopped short of sex.The next day everything went downhill. She felt like we made a mistake, that I was the one who got carried away, and that she should have stopped me. She has pretended she didn't have anything to instigate it, and that it didn't mean anything.I understand why she did what she did. It was out of defense. To her, this was just sloppy seconds (or rebound), and she had to protect her feelings. Things could have been different if I had just made sure we had taken it slowly. Based off what she said and did, she clearly had more feelings for me, but I messed that all up. I was so close, but I threw myself at her when I should have been reserved. She did throw herself at me too, but that's what women do. It's up to us men to keep reality in check sometimes.I know I will find other people, but it kills me each time i do. Each time, I keep getting closer and closer to that perfect beautiful woman, but it keeps getting harder to see them go out of my life. At this point I can't even see myself doing better. Part of me feels like finding anyone else would just be me settling, and I will always look back on this and feel this hurt inside me.I really wish I knew what to tell you buddy, but outright telling her you love her could be a good thing or a bad thing. You want to be able to let it loose, but at the same time you dont want to push her away like i did. If my story tells you anything it should be these three things1) Timing is everything2) Don't come out while on any kind of influence (alcohol, drugs, lack of sleep).3) Take your time with it. Even if it initially seems to be ok.I really do feel for you man. I really wish this could all be easier. I really do. Just be strong for me man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2010): i was in the the exact same situation a little while ago and all i can really say is that if you truly love her all you want to do is make her happy, so just be her friend. and as long as you tell her you love her she will always remember that. and yes it does hurt when shes with someone else but if you do love her then let her love your worse enemy cause if she loves him you will be happy cause shes happy.
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Your love is probably infatuations or puppy love. Real love is not emotional or have those feelings like you are having now.
If it is infatuations , it will pass .If she puts you in her friends category , you will have to move on .You can still love her as a friend.
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reader, The DJ +, writes (29 March 2010):
Hey man, I am in the same boat as you. I am absolutely in love with a girl. We have grown close as we have gotten to know one another. I am the last person she speaks to at night and I can never bear to say goodbye. But I fell in love with her at the wrong time. She was interested in me but I was just getting back on my feet after another relationship. She went out with some guy who was a jerk. They split and I really do care for her but now theres no way she is ready for another relationship and she already told me she wasn't interested in being anything more than just friends.
I really do love her and despite people saying "well cut off all contact and get over her", that is absolutely foolish in my ignorant lovestruck opinion. I have never been more happy with her in my life and I am proud to say that I truly do love her. I honestly just want her to be happy. If I can't be the man she wants in her life, I just hope she finds someone who will care for her as I would have.
So my anonymous friend, continue to love her with all of your heart and simply be her true blue friend. Then, if and when fate calls you two down different paths, never forget how she made you feel. Wish her the best and greatest happiness and if she was truly a good friend, she will wish the same for you. And in the end, hopefully both of you will find just that perfect happiness (and maybe you two will truly find one another once again... hopefully).
But for now, live and love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): i shall say i feel the same.
all day, every day i think about her. shes amazing, blows my mind, always want to see her smile :) when shes sad im sad. when shes happy, im over the moon.
so i guess the way you gotta look at it, if you really love her man, you'd be happy with making her happy, if you cant make her happy, support her decision that does make her happy :)
i know its not the best feeling to see her with some one else, or have to realise that your the one that will always be there for her and she doesn't understand that.
but i guess its something us Guys gotta get over. may take tiime but hey, if she blows your mind well you got it better than most :)
hope that helped. probably not lol, but oh well just putting how it is for me if you can relate :P
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): yea i feel the same way i asked this girl that i wanted to be more than a friend but she turned me down i loved her and she did not want to affect are friendship i just thought she got my heart and just broke into little pieces. right now i don't know how to stop loving her
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reader, irvine23 +, writes (28 May 2009):
yea i feel the same way i asked this girl that i wanted to be more than a friend but she turned me down i loved her and she did not want to affect are friendship i just thought she got my heart and just broke into little pieces. right now i don't know how to stop loving her
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): yeah, i'm really depressed. i too am in this situation. i asked this girl out and then she said she just wanted to be friends. this breaks my heart because her and i are so alike. i just feel like i am losing the most amazing person ever. i don't know what to do. but i guess as it was said, just minimize contact and let theese feelings pass. there isn't much more you can do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): you don't just stop lovin somone cus they don't feel the same way you keep going for it no matter what that's what makes life worth living
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Well if you truley love her then remain friends, eventually you two will have your time. After all, all true relationships must start from somewhere. What better for a relationship to be with a person who was your friend. After all you would know her likes and dis likes. Try not to be to pushy so that things dont become akward. Have patinece she'll come around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): Maybe she is hiding her feelings for fear of being hurt? Have you let her know how you feel? Has she really straight out said that she wants to be friends only nothing more...at all? It is tricky as you don't want to ruin the friendship, but either way it is hard on your feelings, so it is best in this situation to be totally honest and tell her you would love to persue a relationship with her. If she is a decent and understanding friend she may ok initially be a little scared by your feelings, but am sure you two can work round it given time. I hope that the outcome is a good one whatever happens!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): You stop loving her by getting her out of your life - if you really can't handle just being friends then you need to do the two of you a favour and move on, minimise contact. You nver know, she might miss you and come after you .. !
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reader, baby_gurl676 +, writes (17 August 2006):
Maybe you shouldn't stop loving her. Does this girl know exactly how you feel? Girls always want to feel like someone cares about them so tell her just what you told me. You only live once so why live on without her knowing? The best you can do is keep trying or if that doesnt work just try getting closer as a friend to her. She may then see your potential. You only live once so try again. hope this helps, let me know how you got on. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): I'm also feeling the same as this question... Some advice to help us transition out of the heart ache would help... Thx in Advance.
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