A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a pretty serious relationship with a girl I love very much. I can see myself spending forever with her, and she is open to experimenting and doing all types of things, and has opened me up quite a bit. I feel very comfortable with her. But I have these issues and questions in the back of my mind, because I have only been with her and one other person, and there is a part of me that feels like my experience is somewhat limited. I am young still, and there are things I'd kind of like to do just to feel that much more secure about what I have and more confident in myself in what I have done. I would kind of like to see what it would be like to be with another person, just to have a better frame of reference. A guy or a girl, even. I'm not even gay, but a part of me would just like to know what it's like just once. Even just for oral sex, to know, in some ways, what my girlfriend goes through when she does it for me. I love to do it for her. I don't want to be a cheater, but I have these urges that have come up, and I wanted to hear some other opinions.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2010): Have you thought of trying the swinging scene? If your girlfriend is willing then both of you could experience being with another person, together with not strings attached recreational sex. It would need to be a strong relationship you are in to avoid jealousy. I agree with earlier comments that you must not cheat. That would be a disaster.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your response. I know, and have known, the best course of action, but that feeling of wanting to have "experience" is there, and it isn't really something she has brought up. I mean, I have wondered if it bothered her, but it was still regardless. It's not even so much about wanting more myself as it is because of "societal standards". I've never been one to follow the crowd, but sometimes one wants to at least think about being "cool" in the ways society paints the picture to be. Fidelity really is the best way to go, and I do love her very much and don't want to hurt her or ruin anything. Thanks for your response, again, because as silly as the thoughts are in the first place, it means something to hear the voice of reason.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): whatever you do don't cheat. Make sure you talk to your partner about how you feel.I've been in a similar situation where my partner had been with someone before me so I wanted to know what someone else felt like. He was my first but I couldn't get past the jealousy I wasn't his first so in my immature mind the only way to settle this was to have a sexual affair with another man. Afterwards I felt guilty and disgusting because I loved my partner so much I had to confess to him. I felt dirty and ashamed. I saw his hurt and realized how much he loved me to. I swore I'd never hurt anyone the same. I was with him for five years but it was alway in the back of his mind I was unfaithful and by the age of 21 I was single again. It was a learning experience for me. My advice is that if you love your partner try and discover new things with them. Talk to your partner and let her know you trust her with your deepest thoughts and concerns. She will understand
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