A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, first of all, I realize that what I am saying will not be taken so well by a lot of people. What I'm saying is just my honest emotions, so I can't really control how I feel, instead of writing me hate mail, please just help, I really need it.First of all, I'm 20, I realize that's young and that I have my whole future ahead of me, etc, etc. Anyway, I have been on birth control for over a year now and have been having sex with my boyfriend without condoms (for about six months now, regularly) because we were both virgins and couldn't have STDs. All the sudden I skipped my period (which I never ever do, the birth control regulates it). I didn't think THAT much about it though, I have to admit I am not that great about taking the pills on time every day, so it isn't as constant as it is supposed to be. Then I started throwing up a lot. I also noticed I had to pee like crazy all the time and I was eating way more than I used to. I finally realized that I have all the symptoms that my friend did when she was pregnant. My first reaction was so scared, I couldn't be pregnant I didn't even know what to think or do, I just couldn't fathom it. I had to wait a few days before I could take a test and in that time I told my best friend and my boyfriend about the possibility. My best friend was amazing, she did so much research for me and made a little baby information book for me and was just there for me when I woke up crying in the middle of the night. I really thought I was pregnant, and I had finally gotten used to the idea. I realized that I could do it, and I had gotten used to the idea of being a mommy. Then I took the first pregnancy test...negative. Waited a day, second test...negative. I guess I'm not pregnant... but even though I should have been relieved, I'm really heartbroken. I wanted a baby, I wanted that stupid little stick to have a pink plus sign. I wanted to be something's mother and give it the life that I know a child deserves. I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking about it, I wanted that baby, all the signs were there.How do I get over this? I want that child...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 First of all I'm not going to write you hate mail. Wanting a baby at whatever age is a real, painful, mixed emotion.
Yes you are a little young, in my eyes. I had my first two in my early twenties and it was hard work but then so is my 3rd who is 3 and a half and Im now 40 in 4 weeks time. (4 weeks today!!)
All I will say is this, are you sure it is what your boyfriend wants too as sometimes when you fall pregnant and youre not both ready it causes a lot of problems.
Yes I would say with my advanced ancient years, wait a while, but thats easy to say as I already have my family, but I did try for 17 months for my 4th and nothing happened so I understand your pain too. We made a decision, one more month and we stop trying, the day my period came I cried for 4 hours non-stop, in fact I sobbed and the stupid thing is I didnt even really want another baby I was doing it for my hubbie but I felt I had lost something, thats why I wont tell you to not be silly or anything like that.
Talk to your boyfriend and find out what he wants, maybe he wants one soon too, just make sure you are going into this with your eyes wide open, motherhood is rewarding at best and limiting and hard work at worst.
I cant give you a magic cure to get over this, has your period come yet? if not test again in another week, if it has talk to your boyfriend first and if you come up with a plan and a realistic timescale for a future baby it may help you dampen this feeling for now x I wish you luck and happiness for the future
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