A
female
age
51-59,
*nne Elisabeth
writes:Hello I met my fiance and have been with him for 2 year now. We get on usually very well. I have a son who has special needs and is 13, but I have always treatined him as noramlly as possible especialy with dicipline. My fiance has no problems telling my son of or other children of. He has a daughter whom comes to stay every other weekend and some holidays. Yet he treats her very differently and says he doesnt. For instance she may say something like (so) in a bad tone and nothing get said yet if Steven says it he will get shouted at. Generally he is good with Steven but not when she is here, he sometimes has a go at me but not Holly, and is always saying negative things about my son especialy in front of his daughter. He just has a go at me if I say anything about it. A while ago now he his daughter asked who do you love the most when he dint now I was listening he said to his daughter I love you both the same but if I had to choose it would be you meaning his daughter. Yet when she has been around he said in front of my son he loved me more than anything but dont tell Holly, there is a lot more to it. But when she isnt around things are different. She also go's to bed very late, when we met each other it was 10pm. We had a big disagreement, as Steven has always been to bed I beleive at sensible times for a child.We eventually agreed that Holly could go at 9.30, not that I was happy about this as children need their sleep and adults need their time together. She is never in bed for 9.30 it has crept up to to 9.50pm also he still puts her to bed, which by then I'm very tired my self and do not feel much like talikng. What anoys me the most is that he asked me when was going to stop putting Steven to bed and and aslo criticised me about other things like having Steven on my lap and said at the age 10 that should have stopped,yet he isnt stopping.And he forgets Stevens mental age is around 10, when he said about stopping things he was of amental age of 8 One rule for one and another for us. But if I mention anything he just shouts.I hope you can help as I supposed to get married next year
View related questions:
fiance, I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): Thank you again, I agree with everything you say. I think he feels guilty about not being able to see his daughter more often and is competing against step Dad that she lives with.
I'm 38 and Steven as I said has special needs there aren't going to be a lot of men that put up with a child with special needs. He is otherwise good to Steven only when his daughter comes things change. I dont let him get away with talking to us badly, but that is when the shouting starts he denies that he has done it and says not that again. Also I do love love him, I'm very confused
A
female
reader, Anne Elisabeth +, writes (12 November 2008):
Anne Elisabeth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your advice, I'm one of these people to be very nice, but want the same back. I suppose this comes from having a very ungappy childhood. I having been having second thoughts about getting married. But I wanted to to give him one last chance, I thought I would sit and talk to him and see if he listens as he should and if he doesnt then I know my answer.The trouble is I do love him, after having problems this weekend whilst his daughter was here, things have gone back to normal as in good way.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2008): The only sensible advice I can give you is not to get married.
Step children are a nightmare to get on with at the best of times, and his daughter doesan't appear to be any different. If both children are not being treated more or less the same, taking into account their different mental ages, there's only going to be trouble ahead.
My son got married 3 years ago and has just recently separated from his wife. He got on very well with her most of the time, but her children - the oldest is 22, the youngest 15 - could never accept him. It's a very long story, but the bottom line is that I was surprised the marriage lasted as long as it did. Now all hell is about to break loose in the courtroom.
The only good thing to come out of it so far is that my son is now reconciled with his daughter, who at the time couldn't accept that he tried to treat her exactly the same as the other three and they didn't see each other for three years. She wanted to be his favourite all the time.
...............................
|
