A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm pregnant with the baby of my boyfriend, we've been together for 5 years total BUT had a break for about a year and only recently got back together. We got pregnant about a month after starting our relationship up again. Now he is talking about marrying me, living together, etc. But I'm only 22 years old and not ready to settle down yet. However I have decided to keep the baby, and want him and I to raise it together. Nonetheless I cannot commit to a lifetime with him and only him as a romantic/sexual partner. Our relationship is rocky and unstable, hence the break up (one of a few over the past few years). I'm also young and eager to see what else is out there, sexually, and in terms of exploring other men as dating partners. I have been with 4 men in my life but am not yet ready to call it quits. My boyfriend is not aware of most of these thoughts, however I have told him that I do not want to get married. I think he is too excited about the idea of starting a family with me, that he cannot see that I am not as into it as he is. How do I make this work? I am about 4 months pregnant at the minute and struggling with what to do. If I stay with him I will not be happy, ultimately. We have had problems- we have both cheated on one another, we have fought, we have even gotten physical with each other in the past. We do not make a harmonious couple and I do not feel the vibrant passion and love for him that I'd like to. Thinking of being with him forever makes me feel very anxious. But having a baby with him is essentially trapping me with him. I cannot justify giving it up though. I feel trapped, and confused.What is the best thing for me to do? This is so complicated.
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female
reader, laura585  +, writes (11 January 2010):
You have a kid on the way with him - but this isn't the 50's so you don't HAVE to stay with him. I'm sure you'd rather your child grow up in a happy home - having a happy Mom in that home is a MUST. I would let him know, very soon. Don't wait until the baby is born and you two have been together for even longer - that will just cause even more heartache, in my opinion. Especially if he gets used to the idea of him, you, and the child all living together. You won't be breaking up the home if there wasn't one to start with - you know what I mean? Hopefully you two can come to an agreement that will benefit the baby. If he finds someone that WANTS to be with him, he will be happier, and the same goes for you. Therefore the child will be raised by two happy parents.P.S. Just a tip from my experience as a single mom: Being a single mother is going to put a damper on all that dating you plan on doing!! ;)
A
male
reader, danksaur +, writes (11 January 2010):
 I don't think you can have both a relationship involving you, him, and the baby as well as having relationships with other men, unless he knows and accepts that you want him in the child's life, but do not want him in your life (intimately). The best thing I would recommend doing is figuring out how to part ways between you and the dad as far as a serious relationship goes but let him know you would still like him to be part of the child's life and once you can accomplish that, it would not be wrong (in my book) to date other men.
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