A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Several months ago, I started having a sexual relationship with one of my housemates. To make matters more complicated, he was my first. Since then, we have continued to have a secret (from our other housemate) affair. Several times we have mentioned breaking it off or seeing other people, but we keep ending up in each others arms and beds. Lately however things have gotten confusing. We have been having sex less and less frequently, and the quality has gone down hill. Also, when he has been drinking, he accuses me of using him sexually and being emotionally uninvolved, even though its always only when he's in the mood, and most of the time I have to instigate it. I'm tired of being turned down and reassuring him. He's one of my best friends and we still have 4 months on the lease. Should I just call it quits? Talk things out? Find a new place and someone to take over the lease?
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affair, best friend, in the mood Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, we talked, and he said that he thought that I had been putting him in "too much of a role" lately and that he had been pulling back because of it. Time to pack my bags?
A
female
reader, vovolady +, writes (29 March 2010):
 I feel u on that sugga lol but i thats whats in your head than be honest and state it just like that. "I feel like im brakeing the rules by even felling this way but this is how i feel..." And tell him how you feel confusion and all, you dont have to know that you want to express how you feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAt the very beginning of everything we had agreed that it would be casual, so I feel like I'm breaking the rules by even having these concerns, and feel guilty bringing them up when I'm not entirely sure that I want a serious relationship. I'm just confused by the stop/go, and hurt from having my advances rejected and being introduced to his friends when we go out as "his roommate".
Thank you very much to everyone who has posted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2010): I agree you should talk things out. On that same token I believe that if a man only wants sex when he is ready that's not a very good start to any relationship. You both have gone past friends and more. It's difficult to go back to only friends but it can be done.
I think talking it over is a good start to finding out where and what you both really want and is looking for in this oh so complicated situation(Relationship)???
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A
female
reader, Alexisonfire  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 find a new place but still have a distant relationship with him uintil things cool down
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 It depends on whether you feel that you can still talk to him. Can the relationship be salvaged?
Which is more painful, staying or leaving ?
Otherwise, it is easier to quit and let someone take over the remaining lease.
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A
female
reader, vovolady +, writes (28 March 2010):
Ummm yea u should definatly talk it out. lol you have four months on the lease and that amount of time leaves so much room for complicationg things past the point of no return or turn into a really really bad situation. (trust me i know read my blogg lol) And take it from me you dont want to ruin your friendship. So i say dont akwardly like bring it up. But when your both alone and get some time to yourselves, tell him somethings been bothering you. ANd keep it civil and mature and most of all be honest. And ask for the same respect in return. And see where it gets ya. But be carful not to turn it into an argument.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (28 March 2010):
I apologise unreservedly for the male gender of this speces. We really are a bunch of prize arseholes in the main, a skill we have homed to perfection over a 1000+ years.
This boy would get into the top 10 with no effort. Make a huge scene in front of other people and tell him what a total twat he is, has been and will continue to be. Do not let him touch you again, learn from this!
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