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age
51-59,
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writes: Hello, i'm a 42 year old male and something has happened that has confused me and even shocked me a little. Ok, a bit of background... A couple of weeks ago, during the unseasonal fine weather we had in the UK i employed a young lad (18) to do some painting of woodwork on the outside of my house. He was recomended by a mutual friend and did a good job. Now, i've been divorced for 2 years, it was an acrimonious split. I loved my very attractive wife and was happy until she decided to go off with a man she got to know at her gym (Dreadful places). I've not had the right frame of mind to go into another relationship so soon, and have taken care of my "needs" purely through masturbating, which i do nearly every day. The thing is, i've started to look at this 18 year old guy in a different way, i'm getting turned on. I have never ever been attracted to another guy before, only the brief minor "gay phase" when i was 14 that most teenagers go through i think. I do not fancy other men at all, only this particular one. When i saw him working, his muscular physique, i got aroused. Plus he's a really nice, decent guy as well. I've masturbated to orgasm thinking about him and i don't really feel too "different" about him after i've shot my load, so does this mean i have emotional feelings for him as well? The next layer of this situation is that in conversation my young friend said that he is single and never mentions any ex girlfriends which is odd. This guy should have no trouble getting a super girlfriend. Since finishing the work he popped round one evening to "check the paintwork" and was in no rush to leave. I subsequently invited him for a curry another night which he was up for. So, do you think he is gay? Is it just wishful thinking on my part. How would i find out? and how would i suggest taking things further? Do i want to take things further purely because i've been on my own for such a length of time? I've not gone gay or even bi, i still get very turned on by women and, this one guy. Also theres the age gap thing to consider. Advice please!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): "gay phase" at 14 that MOST teenagers go through?
I feel like I just stepped in the Twilight Zone.
Anyway, a good-looking guy who doesn't have a girlfriend is not necessarily gay. Maybe he's too shy, maybe his criteria are too strict, maybe he's antisocial, maybe he's asexual, maybe.... and yeah, maybe he's gay.
But you don't know that for sure.
Seriously, what you're thinking is a terrible idea.
A
female
reader, Bobbyjo  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 step away and ask yourself if this is definitely what you want. Dont read too much into things like 'he was hanging round when he didnt need to' etc. Chances are he was probably wanting you to offer him more work. To come onto him now, without knowing whether he is gay or even bi, could lead to disastrous consequences, with your reputation in tatters and may even land you in trouble with the law.
In my personal opinion, I dont think your gay. I think you are lonely and are starting to romantiscise the idea of being gay in order for you to bring something new and different into your life. Something that perhaps take your mind off of your ex? You said yourself you werent ready yet to start a new relationship just yet.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 Are you perhaps lonely and in a rut? He is nearby, and you have missed out on company for ages.
He offered you friendship. It is also good business for him to catch up with you from time to time - he may have already noticed some more things that need painting around the home.
How long since you've allowed yourself a holiday?
You clearly have a healthy strong sex drive and maybe you need a few outlets to meet people. Be that gals or guys.
And you may still be hurting a little inside at the ending of your marriage.
Sounds like you need to build a strong network of friends who you can call on often for company and friendship.
No I will not suggest the gym.
Think about what groups might be enjoyable for you to join in your community. Be they leisure groups, be they groups that do good in the community or be they groups where you can learn skills. And enjoy the company of others.
I am not rejecting your thoughts on this. But I think so far this fit young man is offering you friendship and building a potential client relationship (for future painting jobs). He may or may not be gay or bi or hetrosexual.
Enjoy his friendship but don't push the boundaries. Good painters are worth their weight in gold.
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