A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Some people may find this petty but my feeling are being hurt. Theres a close group of 4 of us. Its very hard to get together at the same time due to commitments. 3 of my friends meet up more often and leave me out even tho im free. I dont mind them meeting up but its a lot of the time and im getting left out . just the other day they went out for lunch not one of them invited me or asked if i was free. We have a night out planned but i dont feel like going. Im always inviting everyone out and organising things but i feel like im just there to make up numbers. Do i ask why they didnt invite me or just comment thanks for the invite or just leave it ? Im feeling quite alone and not 1 of them ask how i am , right now im feeling down and feel like i dont have a friend i can talk to Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (21 July 2017):
 I'm also a loner.
You've said it's difficult to get all of you together due to scheduling conflicts, yet you've said they often get together without you. How often roughly is that, per week or month, would you say?
Not being there to observe the dynamics between you we can only guess about the cause and the solution.
This lunch and others like it might be more spontaneous. Who ever was around when it was agreed upon goes. Sometimes it's only two of them, sometimes all three. They might not see it as anything for you to excluded from.
You've said that you're often the one organizing events and trying to get people together. That could be a sign of insecurity and desperation and your friends are picking up on that. They like you fine but sometimes they just want something low key and relaxed without all the high energy.
My approach would be to approach the person most likely to be honest and in a matter of fact manner tell them what you think and see what she says.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (21 July 2017):
 OP, maybe you should focus on other aspects of your life.
I know that some people get their feelings hurt by worrying about how ´friends' treat them but really its your expectations that need to be lowered at the same time. If you´re looking for your friends to fill the empty spaces in your life then that´s a bit much to ask.
Just because you see them as your friends does not mean that they are to regarded as such as well. Even if they are assuming that you´re always unavailable so ´why bother to even ask her out´ then that is quite rude on their parts.
Maybe you´ve also been sending out the wrong signals (which is another possibility). Are you always busy when they do ask you out? Or have they just been leaving you out since day one? If it´s the former then you might need to assess the situation. If its the latter well then my dear, you may just need a new group of friends.
I wouldn´t advise a grown woman to nag at her friends about something like this like I would a 10 year old so bare with me. I think you should act as if it does not bother you and learn how to make it stop bothering you because you´re too grown to have things like this affect you so deeply (to me at least) but i respect that it´s a part of who some people are.
Maybe get a hobby to fill up your spare time. Get a little romance in your life. Go out and meet new people. Do something that doesn´t allow your spare time to be ruined with the thoughts of being left out of their little threesome.
If that doesn´t work and its still plaguing you, then bring it up casually. ¨Hey guys, I just want to let you know that I´m free said weekend in case you guys would like to hang out¨. I wouldn´t let them know that its eating you up inside though. Its just one of those things where you have to play it cool like a ´by the way´ thing.
That´s my advice. I hope that everything works out OP. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2017): EDIT: "If you're the good-two-shoes in the group,"
Correction: "If you're the goodie-two-shoes in the group,"
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2017): Like Code Warrior, I'm also a loner by nature. However; I have a circle of wonderful friends and close colleagues.
I don't really care about or rely on invitations. If I feel like company, I send out invitations. Whoever shows, shows! I don't care if I'm not invited at every party or dinner; because I conduct my own social-life. I throw great parties, I'm a good cook, and I have a boyfriend. This website is one of my side-interests.
Expand your circle of friends, and when they forget or just don't feel like your participation...who cares?
Just a side-note. Make sure you don't complain a lot, over-share your problems, or sit too quietly. Be jovial and carefree. People don't like a Debbie-downer in the group.
If you're the good-two-shoes in the group, let your hair down once and awhile. If you complain about loneliness, they don't want to feel like they're baby-sitting either.
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