A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girfriend and i have been together for around 5 months. But we have been kind of dating for around 8 or 9. In the past month i have felt a lot of seperation from her to me. I work all day come home and only want to be with her. She is all i think about. She tells me that she feels the same way. Lately she has been telling me she wants to be with friends more and more. And we have been fighting a lot mostly because of me. I feel she does not show how much she cares about me and that she is kind of sneaky. Not really sneaky about cheating whise just she doesn't tell me things and then when i confront her about it she gets all lovey so i forget. I really love and care about her to death but it tears me up that she says some of the things she does.Example.She works nights mostly. So i tend to get done early some times. She get mad at me for getting done early because she doesn't have alone time and she can't go be with her friends. So why is it so one sided? But at times she hurrys me to get done early. I just need some advice i am in a really tought position. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Your situation is somewhat similar to the one I'm facing at the moment.
Me and my girlfriend have been going out "officially" for nearly 4 months. The first month and the month prior to that, things worked out pretty well. However, due to exams and assessments (we both go to uni)we didnt see each other for a number of weeks. After that, things have not been the same. I've noticed things are much more one sided. I'd do pretty much anything for her, yet when I hint at wanting some alone time with her, she'd rather us hang out with our friends. We have not gone on a date for a few months and we are supposed to be together.
Recently, things have been hot and cold. But cold being without any bitterness, just...distance.
I don't think i can blame everything on her however, because I am her first boyfriend meaning she is still new to having someone "attached" to her. And I know that I can be a bit overwhelming sometimes.
We have talked about this before and she has stated explicitly that sometimes she'll go through this phase where she just needs some "reflecting time". But the question is..how much time does she need??
Any pointers?
A
male
reader, M][KE  +, writes (14 July 2008):
Hey man sorry to hear about your situation; we’ve all been here at some point.
Agreeing with the first poster, this situation is very common and I agree with everything he said. You have basically just described my last relationship with a girl I absolutely loved to bits. Strong unrequited love.
I know the feeling; you are being torn up inside because you know something is wrong and you gut feeling is going crazy. You feel like your girlfriend is drifting away and she doesn't seem to care.
From my experience your gut feeling is usually right and it will nag at you till something is done about it! - Because you shouldn't feel like this.
It is obvious that you love this girl, but is it one-way affection? Put it this way, the fact that you are asking these questions means that you know something is wrong! If you are not happy then the relationship needs to change. For starters you need to have a talk and tell her how you feel. Remember if the feelings between you are mutual, then asking her to be more involved in the relationship should not be a problem.
It's hard to hear but if you don't feel the same way about each other, then it's going to end sometime. Don't let yourself be pulled through another couple of months being in a miserable relationship, your true love won’t be like this.
If however you do break up remember, hurt is unavoidable in relationships and breaking up is something we all have to deal with. Use the experience to become wiser about relationships because you will find another girl J.
At the end of the day you need to remember who you are. Don’t let yourself be defined by what your girlfriend wants, your opinion is just as valid and it shouldn’t be one sided like you said.
It’s hard I know to be assertive with a girl you just want to make happy, but you need to clearly know what you want from your relationship and her.
Tell us how it goes we like to know.
All the best and I hope things work out for you, M][KE
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): This situation is more common than you think. From my own experience, she only wants you to show off to her friends that she has a boyfriend. She will come to you for love when she needs it but otherwise put her friends first. Although you love her deeply its all a case of being one way. Although it will be hard, I would suggest to move on to find your sole mate since this relationship will get worse and result in wasted years.
Good luck and hope it all works out
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