A
female
age
51-59,
*urting by him
writes:I am in a 4year plus extra marital affair. I love this guy and supposedly he loves me too. We both are controlled by our spouses. I have had enough with both my husband and him and have told my husband that I want change(he is mentally and emotionally abusive and very controlling of me and my money-I work fulltime), he says he can work on it as he has said before. We have 2 kids. A new house and somewhat good life style but with all of that, I don't feel loved or respected and my kids, especially my son don't respect me very well either. My husband is very mentally and emotionally abusive to our daughter as well. My lover has 2 girls, one born during our relationship! His wife won't work and he has said he feels he can't leave her without her having a job. Well I broke things off 2 weeks ago as I am once again trying to put all of my heart into my marriage (even though its not working) and my lover called to let me know that he wants to leave her and only can offer me love since he feels she will take him for everything and we will "some day" work this out so we can be together. Of course, I want to be with him but I am tired of waiting. I have contacted a lawyer for my marriage and want to move on and I have told my lover I am not waiting, even though I want to be with him. I just can't do the cycle anymore. Please help me !!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): Have you told your husband that you have been cheating on him? That is usually the wake-up call for a man. Let him decide whether your marriage is worth salvaging, but at least give him the decency of being honest about what you have been doing behind his back.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Hi,
well it looks like you have worked this out by yourself .
You should feel no compulsion to stay in an abusive relationship, and your husbands controlling nature is abuse. Already you have a son who will most likely grow up and emulate his father, and that is a tragedy. If you can get him away from his father perhaps things can change but if he already disrespects you , then you have your work cut out.
And I think you realise that your lover will never leave his wife, he is just spinning the usual line. His latest promise to you is purely out of desperation over losing his escape from his unhappy marriage. But you know that even if you leave your husband you will still only be his mistress.
So move on and rebuild your life and make a new start.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): Gosh I feel for you.
I think you would be better off leaving both and becoming a strong woman on your own! We all know (even though we pretend its different) that married men rarely leave their wives unless they do so pretty much straight away. He is having se x with his wife so that leads me to belive he has got his cake and eating it!
Kick them both to the curb for the benefit of yourself and your children!
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