A
female
age
30-35,
*aybaybay_x
writes:There are a number of reason why I want to break up with my boyfriend;;Feeling anxious about him due to mistrust. Feeling like I'm not involved in his life as much as I feel I should be (He'd rather introduce his friend to new people because "he's a boy" and not me. I found texts of him flirting with a girl which I can't seem to get over, even though I took him back.. He's being inconsiderate. When he's away from me, I'm a nervous wreck.. I'm not happy...I love him and we have our good days but overall. I have a bad feeling about this relationship.. I love him so much and we've been together for 4 years in January. Readhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-now-i-am-fed-up-with-our345.html to understand fully.Yesterday after about a year of going round and round in circles with him. I brought him over, sat him down and explained to him that it's better if we just break up.He knows me very well and said "You don't want to do this. I know I've done a lot of things. And I'm being honest with you. Before when I told you I'd change. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. And now that we've BASICALLY time off in our relationship. I realise some of the things I've done and I love you enough to change."All that kind of stuff.I stood my ground. He kept telling to repeat myself because he's not taking me seriously. I said"It's over!"He got up and just looked at me. (I didn't want to break up with him, I love him a lot but I guess can't deal with all the drama anymore.)I got up to let him out and to be honest I didn't want him to go, I didn't want t to be over.He grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug and kissed me. I kissed him back (Which I am kicking myself for so you don't have to tell me how stupid I was!). I hadn't seen him for such a long time, and I guess my feelings got the better of me. I REALLY missed him (We hadn't seen each other for a good 2/3 weeks as we've been having some issues as you may have guessed.)We spoke a little more that night (And the conversation was like when we had just got together and had a lot to say) and he did say I should think about what I said and he'll come and speak to him tomorrow.....I'm still waiting for him to text me, as he said he was going to.... : |My friend said, maybe I wasn't supposed to break up with him. Maybe it was supposed to be like this.The plan was to break up with him, so he can prove himself as he has started to take me for granted. But he always tells me he'd never chase after me if I break up with him because if it's over, it's over.But then, I know that if he didn't, it's his loss as I'm not entirely happy with this relationship but I do love him enough to sort things out with him...But as I said, I'm still waiting as he said he'd come so we could talk.......I get the feeling that he's STILL taking me for granted or I've given him the wrong idea...Then about half an hour ago I get a text"I'm sooooo sorry about today, my battery died and I went to judo and I just go home"It's just that easy with me isn't it?Then instead of the usual"good night. i love you" Today I get"Goodnight, I love you sooooooooo much and I miss you."*Sighs*What should become of this? Should I just take this as, he knows he's always going to get away with it if I take him back? Is it a good idea to end it? How do I stop what happened between us the last time I tried to end it, from happening if breaking up is the right thing to do. As I'm fed up, but I guess I still want him in my life.
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male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (9 December 2010):
If it's making you crazy like this then something has to be done.
Don't kick yourself that you kissed him. It's only natural.
Your friend is right. Fron what you describe, he doesn't appreciate you and it will continue to be like this until you change things. He doesn't respect you because you let him roll over you. He finds it easy to manipulate you emotionally. So in the end you're "easy" and he doesn't have to try to hard to get what he wants. So simply don't be easy.
My recomendation. Go cold turkey on him. Change your cell phone number, refuse to meet him and if he comes over don't answer the door. If he forces himself to see you, then simply have a friend there and don't ever be alone with him. Tell him the old relatiohship is over and if he really cares about you, you'll take a break for a while.
If you ever allow him back into your life, then you are in control of the relationship. You let him know when he can see you and how things are done.
If you mess up, just do it again with more vigar. Eventually he'll get the message and will either change or give up. I suspect it will be the latter.
Good luck!
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