A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is the most difficult question I have ever had to ask. I believe I will be judged, harshly, but I do hope someone will understand and help me.I am 29 and engaged to a very nice man. My problem is that I keep falling in love at regular intervals. I usually don't act on my emotions but I suffer great emotional upheavals because of these periodic attractions and temptations. I have even felt tempted to cheat on my fiance. Somehow, I just find it entirely possible to love multiple people with the same intensity at the same time. I love and adore my partner and nothing can make me end our relationship. But I am always having to leash in my propensity to fall in love with other men. I have told him that I do have crushes on other people but that I don't act on them. But the fact is that I have acted on them, only not physically. I have had emotional affairs. The guilt has also driven me crazy with remorse. I just don't know how to change myself. I want to save my relationship. Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (18 March 2013):
 HI
Well you recognise where your going wrong so this is a good start . One way of keeping the relationship burning is seeing eachother once a week to start off with, this way you have time to miss eachother, so when you meet up the passon is on fire, secondly do things together when you begin to up the days seeing eachother like hiking, climbing, these are great for learning to trust that person your with and really getting to know the person inside not just the outside appeal. Don't forget it takes work to build a great relationship so if you want this cycle to stop spinning round you HAVE to put in the work ..
Mandy x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Mandy, I think I'm addicted to the buzz that new relationships give me. After the chase is over, and everything is settled, I tend to lose interest. I really don't know what to do. :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): What I think is pretty simple...you are NOT ready to settle down and get married...you like the idea of marriage, but in reality you are not on that level just yet. When you are really in love with a man and you really want to start a life together, there is just something that comes over you and you are no longer looking, interested or engaging with other men, having emotional affairs, whatever. You really have all your focus on him. This is not the case for you. I think you are holding onto him for safety reasons...so you aren't alone. Have you ever gone a period of time without a boyfriend in your life? The right thing to do..the mature thing to do...is let this man go. If you and him are meant to be together, you will find your way back to each other, when the time is right.You alone are sabatoging your relationship and until you are a bit more mature and ready for actual marriage, the best way you can figure yourself out is to get all these feelings and needs for other men out of your system BEFORE you go any further with this current man. It's not fair to him and he deserves someone who is giving him 100% with all their heart and soul. I don't think what you are going through is bad... like I said, you simply are not ready for marriage. Just put yourself in his shoes if he was having this secret playing with fire lifestyle and was tempted to cheat on you and was sharing intimate thoughts with another women instead of you and eventually did cheat, just as you are heading full speed ahead if you keep putting yourself in these situations.....you speak of "falling in love" at regular intervals... different people at different times....that is not love, that is a crush, a temporary infatuation....you are so not ready for marriage or even a serious relationship right now...seriously. Try being single and go have your fun with all these people you are having your crushes with....one day, it's just going to stop...that one guy is going to sweep you off your feet and everyone else will just fade to black....
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (10 March 2013):
HI
I think the problem here is that your very insecure and crave attention. When you first meet and fall inlove with someone it's new and fresh, exciting, when things get into a routine the fun sizzles down and you feel like the passion has gone, therefore feel unloved, so you look for that buzz again. If you want a long term deep and meaningful relationship and get out of this vicious cycle, then you are on the right road because you now see what your doing wrong. Stope the ( when times get rough you get going attitude) and begin making a solid foundation with your partner. Its never going to be like the movies were everything is perfect, cause life is far from perfect. Start by working on looking at who you choose to be with, are you with them for there looks? money? lifestyle? or are you with them because they make you feel like your world would crumble without them? even if they were broke and all they had to offer was the love they have for you. do you like the bad boy? the homely boy? the rough and ready boy? take a step back work out who you really are and what you really want , then make it happen.
Mandy x
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