A
female
age
36-40,
*cubacat
writes:I'm so lost about this relationship. I worked with him and we started hooking up after I left (and moved to a different state for college, he is in his late twenties). We started out strong, I would visit him when I could and we'd have amazing times together. He's my best friend now and we are really close and falling for each other. After a year of that and when I'm home visiting my family during a school holiday, I walk in on him in bed with another girl (who in fact also used to work with us). I couldn't stop crying, everything was changed, but he was so apologetic and he seemed just as upset as I was that he'd screwed everything up. He told me he loved me and bought me flowers and all that. I was of course devastated but I couldn't imagine just not talking to him, he's the one who knows me best. Eventually things went back to normal, but halfway through the next year he ended things with me, apparently started seeing another woman, who was older and had kids. The next time I was home, however, she had dumped him and we hung out a little, ended up having sex because we just couldn't be just friends. Then I find out he'd had sex with this other lady and didn't tell me until after we'd had sex without a condom. I got tested and all that and after being so angry at him all over again, things again go back to normal. We talk everyday, have phone sex, joke around, exchange sweet nothings...now though he's been hanging out more and more with another one of our mutual friends. He assures me that she's not interested in him at all (so does she), but i'm more concerned about him being interested in her. And all i hear about is them going out to bars together (with other people) and about all the fun they have together and how funny and ridiculous he thinks she is and it's getting more and more frequent. I am being eaten alive by suspicion and jealousy and hurt especially since i'm two states away and I can't can't can't go through this again but there is no way I can just cut him out of my life. Either way this is going to literally kill me. I have no idea what to do.
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best friend, condom, flowers, jealous, phone sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): Just don't do anything stupid. He's not worth it. You are dealing with a slimeball of the first order here, and the sooner you erase him from your life the better you'll feel for having done so.
He's playing you along, as he is all his other women friends. You're much better off without him ruining your life.
Phil
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (1 October 2007):
Omg...thats horrible what you have been through!
You know what you should do? Leave him! I know its easier said then done BUT it can be done and im sure you can find the strength. I know you may not want to leave him because you love him and it seems as though you may have become dependent on him in some aspects (such as him being your best friend, so you would be loosing that and a bf)...but you can always find new people! And lets be honest, what sort ofbest friend of bf cheats and lies? Not a good one. So would it be really such a loss?
Hes not only cheated on you once...hes done it more. When will he stop? YOu dont know and you SHOULDNT stick around to find out. Because you will be probably waiting around forever as he will probably continue to do it.
I dont know what drives him to cheat but in all honestly he probably has many issues which he needs to work through before he can even truly be sorry and promise he wont do it again! So therefor, unless he gets some help, I wouldnt think about geting back with him if I was you.
I know what its like to have someone who you love and to have them use and badly treat you...and you fear being without them and cant imagine it. Infact you feel you would be lost without them. And you dont know how you would survive. But you know what? Despite all those fears of breaking upw ith my ex, I did it, I didnt want too but I knew that it was the right thing...and I survived. It hasnt been that long either. Only happened a couple of months ago and im perfectly fine being by myself. Im way happier then I was before. Its easy to trick yourself into thiking you are happy in a relationship...when you are really not. I dont think you are truly happy. How can anyone be when there bf cheats on them and they are constantly worried what hes doing?
You said either way this is going to kill you...it doesnt have to! Leave now before it gets worse. One day longer is too long.
goodluck and let us know what you decicde and remember you can come back here for more help and support! :)
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