A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a really detached guy for about a year now. I keep hoping he'll make more of an effort to open up to me but he still hasn't. He always says he'll make an effort to open up but he doesn't. He's never fully opened up to anyone ever before and I have no clue if he ever will open up to me. He says he loves me, and that he doesn't want to be with anyone else. I believe him, because he isn't the type to lie. It's just that opening up is really difficult for him.I can normally deal with him being detached, but something happened to me recently and I need him to be more caring and involved. He's having trouble giving me the compassion I need. I can tell he wants to try harder but it's so difficult for him. I desperately need him right now and he's not there for me. Should I just move on? Or should I wait for when he's ready?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm so happy you ladies answered my question.
And I'm relieved that you guys automatically didn't tell me to leave. I'm staying in the relationship until I can't deal with it anymore. I just don't have the strength to leave now.
September: I'm so sorry to hear about your husband!
A
female
reader, September +, writes (2 May 2012):
My husband was the love of my life for 38 years. He left me and moved his stuff out of the house 1 1/2 hours ago. He, too, was detached emotionally. I realized over the years that he would not ever be there for me emotionally and I was right, not to say he didn't love me, because I believe he did. About 3 weeks ago, he told me that he was unhappy and that he was going to leave. I begged him to make us a priority, to stay and we would do whatever it would take to make our marriage work. He had his mind set. Throughout the years, I would try to get him to open up, to talk. He treated words like a commodity, like gold! He didn't give them up so easily. Had he been a better communicator, I am certain our marriage would have been happier. We were basically happy until a few years ago. We did try counseling then, but he only said what he had to, didn't really "talk". As a result, nothing got resolved, only swept under the rug. While I would not tell you what to do with your current relationship, I would strongly suggest that you consider whether you want to build a life with someone who won't be there for you when you need emotional support.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2012): I dated a detached guy for over two years. He couldn't support me emotionally for any kind of family/health/personal crisis. I couldn't deal with his lack of compassion and it caused us to drift apart because he simply didn't understand the emotional side of a relationship. I felt let down to the point where I in turn detached myself from him and turned to friends and family for emotional support. He is the fist guy I have met like this so it was a shock for me. You can't change him do if you need more talk to him and tell him how you feel but don't expect him to change for you.
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