A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I encountered this irritating co worker at workplace 2 yrs back . We had mutual friends though whom i got introduced to him. He appeared real friendly at first. Later he and i were made to work in the same assignment with another senior member (a lady).I knew this lady from a previous assignment. This lady was biased against me for no reason and used to humiliate me calling me names , taunting my work performance ( my senior bosses tell me that iam an efficient worker though !! ) . I was kind of surprised when this chap suddenly switched sides with this lady and started bullying me along with her and two other guys(forcing me to eat a lot of food when i wasnt hungry ,calling me by an irritating nickname, giving the dumbest areas of the project despite my seniority, making me order eatables for these pigs and then labelling me as a telephone operator, forcing me to take home the leftovers and asking me to give it to my parents etc. ).Also she took him out to lunch one day and fed him some mean stories about me from the previous assignments. On some days , when the lady used to work in some other assignments ,he used to pay me constant attention and even try to flirt with me. Then when she was back he would get back to bullying me with her . The organisation where i worked for was a very small one and was ill equipped as far as employee greivance redressal was concerned. Besides the Lady was a real favourite of the seniormost bosses in the enterprise and took this guy under the wing.Besides too many people in our office were hurt by her and our bosses overlooked all those cases. So i couldnt do much about the situation back then.Finally after the assignment ended , he told all my common woman friends that i was a spoilt sport who never took him in the right spirit. Those girls then stopped talking to me abruptly.Meanwhile after the assignment ended i used to run into him at our office where i was very cool and indifferent with him. He used to try his level best to catch my eyes and strike a conversation no matter how disinterested i seem..I've personally caught him staring openly at me at office. This behaviour of his left me very confused.Further whenever i try talking to my common friends these days , they sing praises of this guy while taunting me , saying that i'll end up as a good for nothing housewife one of these days.They dont hang out with me either and dont even invite me for their wedding or other occasions.Now since neither me or this guy are not working for the same organisation anymore, i am thinking of sending him a mail for ill treating me ,explaining how i felt when he treated me shabbily, breaking me up with my friends etc ... What do you suggest ??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): thanks a lot for taking time off ..replying to my question .. your suggestions were really great which i will surely consider .thanks a lot once again :) :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Learn to walk away when people act like jerks, You did not HAVE to eat if you are not hungry, or take home leftovers. Learn to say NO and mean it.
Honestly, sending out an e-mail will do nothing but make YOU look bad.
I understand that it doesn't feel very nice to be bullied, but you can actually control how people treat you, but not allowing them to crap all over you.
And all of those people you may have thought were friends, obviously weren't friends at all.
And my advice is, when it comes to this guy, don't talk smack about him to others. You didn't like it when other talked smack about you, so please don't stoop to their level.
Also, I would consider looking for a new job.
Let it go, don't be a Bitter Betty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): I know being bullied can be incredibly damaging and leave you with a great deal of resentment. That can take years to overcome...if at all.
So if you are having real difficulties and need to move on, take Sageoldguys advice. Write out an email. Print it off and think about it first. Then if you still feel you need to send it, do so. If it affords you some sort of closure it will be worth it.
I would keep the message short and just say you were disappointed with him in particular. For joining in with the bullying behaviour you suffered in the work place. And you would like him to know how unhappy it made you.
By keeping it short and non confrontational, you will get your message across more effectively.
I hope he has the grace to message you back with an apology x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2012): Don't make any contact with him, or your other ex co-workers. You will only seem weak and a victim and give them another opportunity to re-enter your life and make it miserable.
One question how did they "make you" do all these horrible, degrading things? These people had no real power over you. You could have found another job. Why didn't you leave?
Learn lessons from this situation. Leave this episode firmly in the past where it belongs. Move on.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786  +, writes (29 March 2012):
 I don't mean to sound horrible but what are you going to gain by sending this e-mail? I would strongly advise against it. What if he prints it and passes it around to others?
Having been in a similar situation, I would say move on with your dignity. You've done great so far by ignoring him. Don't let him know that he is still getting to you!
If you want, type the e-mail you want to send to him and send it in a message to me instead, then forget about it!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 March 2012):
 I suggest that you write a SCATHING email to him.... Print it off your computer, fold it up, and take it home and put it on your nightstand. The following morning, upon your awakening, read that e-mail. IF it STILL makes sense for you to SEND that e-mail, then do so.... If you feel that it will serve NO PURPOSE to send the email... then keep the paper copy and go to your computer and purge the one (the copy) which is there.... and NEVER CONSIDER THIS INCIDENT AGAIN!!!!
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 March 2012):
 I suggest you put the matter behind you and make better friends. It would be a waste of time anyway, a guy like that wouldn't benefit from your criticism.
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