| A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hello all, I've been having a really hard time controlling myself spending a lot of money. It all started 3 years ago when I first started university. I lost contact with my friends from school, they kept cancelling plans whenever we wanted to hangout, and eventually we all went in a different road. I tried to make friendships in university, but they were very superficial, and we eventually don't talk anymore after a few weeks. I spent nearly a year sitting alone not having any friends or even hanged out with anyone, then I met this man and eventually got in a relationship with him for a year and then we broke up 2 months ago, and it left me depressed, lonely and devastated. Every time I loose contact/break up with someone and feel rejected, I start to spend money on really expensive clothes and jewelry. It's not that I'm going broke or something, but my family is wealthy, and that's the only thing that makes me feel important and worthy. I don't know why I'm doing this, but it does make me feel good when I spend money on things most people can't afford, somehow it makes me special. I know this might be a sick way of thinking, but it's out of my control. And it got worse after I've broken up with my boyfriend, I felt good the first few days after breaking up because I spent alot but I was slapped back to reality and felt empty after a week. I'm feeling embarrassed and ashamed how I'm trying to prove myself with materialistic things because I feel that I'm a total loser when it comes to my social life. I don't know if my problem needs some professional help or can I solve it by myself? Please give me an advice.
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broke up, depressed, money, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Gmelin8  +, writes (20 February 2020):
If you are going to try and get away from loneliness and depression you need to be smarter about it. Buy items that are low priced with respect to your income. Get something many people are interested in. Then join a club or group so you can make friends with people with similar interests.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2019): It's not clear whether you are at university still or whether you've left.
I think your best course of action would be to get counselling. If you are still had university then they will have counsellors you can request to see. If you have left university, go to your GP and request counselling either on the NHS or, given that you say your family are wealthy, ask your GP to recommend a list of private counsellors and ask your family to help to pay.
What is your relationship with your family like? Family can often be where the root of our ability (or not) to forge social relationships lies. We learn from family whether or not we are likely to be accepted and loved by others, how to love them in return and, as children, we also take in and absorb messages from our parents about how to view others and how to integrate - or not - with them. If your parents became wealthy by having to compete with others or to become very dominant in their field, that will have set a certain pattern in place.
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