A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi there!my ex bf broke up with me about a month ago. we had been going out for 4.5 years and the reason for the break up was that he was really unhappy and that he doesnt want the responsibility of a relationship. due to lack of job, money and uni work we were both extremely stressed out and we used to argue quite a lot. there were a lot of tears on both sides over the break up as we had basically grown up together and we both still loved eachother... we just couldnt go on with all the arguing and stress. he said give him a month and then see wot happens. but he said he definitely wants to be my friend?? i told him it would be far too painful as i still loved him.right a month passed with no contact whatsoever. so i emailed him at the beginning of the week asking if we could meet up and have a catch up? so he emailed back saying it was too soon for him but he was gonna write me a letter with everything in instead. he said it is obvious that we are 'done' but he said he has to be my friend otherwise it would hurt him so bad if we werent. i then emailed back and to get him to meet up with me for closure i said this month has made me realise that it is over and that i dont want a letter as i know wot is going to be in it and that the past is the past. i also told him how can we be friends if we cant meet up? i just wanted to meet up and talk face to face then get over it... so we met up the other day. went to a cafe and talked about everything apart from our relationship and the break up!! i didnt want to bring it up as previously he said he didnt want to make a big deal out of it, just be chilled so i just let him talk and if he brought it up he brought it up. so i went there with a positive attitude. it was comfortable and not many awkwardnesses. Afterwards we hugged and i am seeing him on sunday. i am soooo confused!! i cant avoid not talking about the relationship. i think we both deserve closure. Do u think i should write a letter/email to him if that was wot he originally wanted to do?? i feel if friendship is going to work then we should talk about what happened. be open and honest! i cant talk to him on sunday as his mates will be there. i dont know wot to do, i havent been dumped before as he was my first! it just feels as if friends will not work as we cant just carry on ignoring wot happened! well i cant anyway... any feedback would be great! i need to know what the next move is as i am clueless!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): You most definitely need closure or else you will never move on.. I've been through this many times with the same guy and I was with him for 5 years. I still think about until this day because both of us never did get that closure... When he broke up with me, we both didn't have any communication for a month or 2 after that he called and wanted to catch up and hang out. Because I loved him so much I wanted to do whatever it took for us to be back together again but it got worse.. we started hanging out like almost everyday had sex (but wasn't seeing anyone else) but it wasn't feeling the same. Everytime I brought up our relationship he just ignored it and thought that I am getting too deep into this and that we should just not have sex anymore. What did I know at the time, I just loved the man and didn't want to be with anyone else. And did I mention that he told me that we could not be together due to lack of money, hates his job and wasn't happy and wanted to do his own thing or career to get his life moving forward, without me of course. Your story is exactly the same as mine 3 years ago and I wanted answers too.. I learnt the hard way by making the mistakes and learning from them. I thought as well that we could be great friends because he was a wonderful person to me but it never happend like that. At times when I was hanging around my friends or was with guy friends (we still weren't together) he would still treat me like one, asking me where I am and why am I with a guy or if I made plans he would make me cancel it. It seems like he didn't like the fact that I was trying to move on or was a bit jealous to see me with some other guy. What am I trying to say here is to put a closure to it in person, no letter, no email. It's best to deal with him face to face as it may hurt for both of you but you have to do this for yourself or you will never move on, your heart will always feel empty inside and you will always think to yourself, what I should of done or even start blaming yourself. That will not work out as I am living proof of it. I am happily with someone else now and I feel as I deserve it because you can't put yourself in a relationship where you are unhappy about your job, money, relationships ect.. As much as it took for me to move on, i finally did and met the most wonderful person in my life and if I ever had to go back to past, I would now beg not to. I don't regret anything I did and so will you. Whatever is meant to be, is meant to be and I believe you deserve a lot better and you will find that happiness within someone else I gaurantee it. Moving on is the most struggling part of it all but hey! I did it and so will you. If you want to maintain a friendship, it will not work right now for both of you or else your putting yourself in danger again. You will be going around in circles and it will never be figured out. You both need time apart, mend the break up and maybe consider being friends again once the relationship part is done and gone (completely gone). At the end you might realize that both of you aren't meant to be friends... that's totally fine. You will know in your heart that there is something else for you that God has plans for... Don't search for it, let it come to you.
Good Luck Hun!
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