A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for 9 years now and we both dicided to get married, and we had registered.Just lately I have been very uncomfortable with my fiancee, i dont fee like i am being loved, i am only his comfort. It has been probably my fault because i loved him so much that i would do anything for him, like he wanted to stay with his parents after married so as he got a bigger house, financially he needed some help, so i helped him eventhough the mom had warned him in the begining that he shouldnt have let me got involved in, anyway i did the opposite out of love. Now it has been months after we registered, lawfully i am his wife, and i have been doing what a wife would do, help him unconditionally, take care of him, making sure his place is clean and comfortable to live in, i did all only to show him that i love him and hope that he will see it.All i got was his non supportive gesture when it comes to choosing between his family and me, yes i know that it is his family but shouldnt a husband care more on a wife's side, i did nothing wrong by just expressing my uncomfortable feeling when being disrespected by the family, and he can only respond with: "what cab i do? That is my family"Slowly i am very annoyed when i see his family or even seeing him, i have talked to my friends and they see it as i am being taken granted for because i have given him such comfort that he no longer feels he need to put in the effort. Are my friends right? Or am i thinking too much? Our wedding will be in another 9 months, can i salvage it or it is a clear sign that he is not right?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 October 2017):
 When you see married men who side with their family, there are two kinds. One is the patriarchal, old fashioned type who sees women are possession with no power or say. The other is the man child who is still under the family's purse string and is afraid of upsetting them. I am not sure how the family is disrespecting you but maybe they are wondering why you love their son so much. Maybe they suspect that you married him just because the family is rich?
A relationship with give-and-take needs two adults. His family didn't want you to get involved, because they are afraid that if one day the marriage goes wrong, you would go after the husband to collect the debts. He married you anyway out of obligation because you helped him so much. Your husband is playing a lot of catch up game here. He is under a lot of stress of appeasing his parents, also to earn enough money so he finally has control of his life. Right now he sees money as power and control. He has yet to realize and appreciate all that you have done for him. Yes it's true that you have been dating for 9 years but he's not emotionally mature for what you need in a relationship. If you see enough good qualities and are willing to wait, maybe you will see the fruit that you both work hard for.
Like I said I don't know how the family disrespected you, but maybe you can go do them directly and try to build a closer relationship. If after so many years this is not possible then there is no happiness. You would have to face the reality that marriage life is not possible unless your husband is willing to distance himself from them in order to love you.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (18 October 2017):
 I think you have answered your own question. This relationship has run out of steam - at least from his side. He isn't putting in the effort and you need that in a successful marriage. Like a garden, you have to keep a marriage tended. Sorry, but it is the hard choice for you. Do you put up with mediocre for the rest of your life or find someone who values your uniqueness; who feels lucky to be able to spend time in your company.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2017): Yes I can understand how you feel.
I did everything for my husband out of love and it always feels like his family comes first.
They are a very toxic family and I always tried to give my husband what he never had with them but never have felt appreciated at all.
Anyway it's got to the point where my resentment has built up that much that I have told him I never want to see his family ever again and I 100%
mean it.
I wouldn't normally be around such people by my own choice and just because they are his family I don't see why I have to go near them which I only did before because of him.
So think wisely before you commit.
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