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female
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anonymous
writes: i have been in a casual relationship with a man for 2 years now and would love for it to be serious but i am afraid he will say no, and i'll lose what we already have. im currently helping him renovate his new house and a female friend of mine is helping me, i have seen him looking at her and would not have thought she would be his type. am i over worrying? please help. many thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): First off, what do you mean by casual relationship? It souns to me when you state that you would like it to be more serious, that you are having sex with him, but are not in a committed relationship, hence the term casual.
If this is the case, I am afraid you have set up a condition where you are just bed buddies, which is always a great deal for the guy, but not so great for you, as women are led by their heart, and you are finding out that he may not be.
If you are sleeping with him and he is looking at your good friend a lot, this is very rude behavior towards you and you might want to tell him how it makes you feel.
If you want the relationship to deepen and be more serious, then after 2 years you ought to be able to just start a dialogue with him about what you want and what you expect going forward....You should ask for an exclusive dating relationship, and if he says no, then stop seeing him and start dating other men, and being less available like helping him do work on his house free of charge and the like....Sometimes we as women think that if we just give, give and give of ourselves that a man will notice and fall in love with us, however, this sometimes and often backfires because he does not have to do anything to win you or your love, and guys value a challenge, they just do.
If I am off the mark on the bed buddy thing, then just try kissing him if you are just friends and see what happens next, and go for it with a little romance.
Let us know how it goes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): Well I don't know if this will help but i'll try. Ok if he really likes you he will say yes. If hes just using you then he'll hit the road but if thats how it is then your better off without him. As far as looking at other girls go then if you feel that they might be doing something behind your back then I would confront him. Otherwise if you think hes just looking then just let it happen because thats how all guys are. They are jerks and the only good ones are gay. Hope this helps you out.
Love,
The toubled one.
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