A
male
age
36-40,
*ottenhamhotspur
writes:I have been seeing a wonderful girl since the start of November. We have went on about 5 dates, text most days and call each other once a week. I am 26 and she is 22. I don't date often, and I have only had one relationship. I have a tenancy to sabotage my relationships because I am afraid of getting hurt. I just started college, I don't have a house/car/money, etc. and always seem to go for or get involved with women from good backgrounds who do well. I am a good guy- funny, trustworthy, caring. But I feel like my shortcomings always make people leave or will make people leave eventually. I am scared and sometimes obsess over the unknowns and find it very, very difficult to deal with my own insecurities. She told me that she doesn't like 'titles' and wants to get to know me better/deal with the long distance aspect (we are an hour apart) and take it slow as I think she's had bad experiences in relationships before. I actually love that he is so thoughtful and I am not one who likes to rush, either, but I am so worried she will find a guy her age who is better than me, even though we both said we are just seeing one another.My insecurity is eating me alive and sometimes I even find it hard to sleep and go about my normal day because I am so afraid I will be alone forever.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 First of all at 26 and 22 you guys pretty much ARE the same age…
An hour apart without a car is difficult… with a car no big deal…
You will NOT be alone forever… stop trying to make that happen…. And just let them… be yourself… be open and honest but do not be clingy, whiny or needy if you can help it.
Relax and enjoy her company when you can…
A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (4 January 2012):
 We all have some kind of insecurity. Usually people who are afraid to get hurt have already been hurt. In order to let go of that insecurity we need to accept that hurting is apart of life but you only get hurt if you let it affect you. I'm not saying go out and have no feelings just don't let the pain affect who you are as a person. There are going to be people who are going to hurt you and disrespect you all through life. Live for what is going on now and don't stress the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): I have a low self esteem too. My boyfriend of 14 months is in the countries best singing choir and he is a british champion at his sport.. I haven't achieved what he has.. What you have to remember is that most people dont care about whether you have money/cars etc, they only care about having a good time in their relationship. You dont need to feel bad about having less money than your girlfriend.. I felt insecure because I felt that my boyfriend was bored of me because I hadn't achieved as much as him, and it was making me feel really bad about myself. That is the only thing that was pushing him away. There was no problem, it was just making things up in my head.What you need to do is to ignore the fact she has more money etc and accept that she likes you for who you are. Money etc doesnt matter, and the only thing that is a problem is the problem that you create in your head. If you want to, tell her about your insecurities, I did, and things have been great between me and my boyf ever since.Just enjoy life, and the fact you have found agirl that is understanding and thoughtful! Please just relax and dont take life so seriously! that is your biggest problem!xxx
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