A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm embarrassed to speak of this, but my older sister is beautiful. We look a lot alike, but she definitely looks more mature and gets more male attention. I worry that when I bring a boyfriend to a family gathering, he will see her and find her more attractive than myself, and that this will affect our relationship. I know this sounds pathetic, but it's something that has been putting me down.Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you xx Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 My advice is to agree with you... that it IS "pathetic".
Here's why:
1. IF your Sister is such a b**ch that she WOULD steal a B/F from you... THEN you surely are stuck with one heck of a Sister.... (Let's call her "the Sister from Hell"),
2. IF you date, and introduce to your family, a guy who would hit on your Sister, ..... THEN you have surely chosen one UBER-Cad of a guy to date..... (Let's call him "the Date-guy from Hell")... AND....
3. IF 1. and 2. actually came to pass.... then you will be well to be rid of BOTH OF THEM... and can then proceed in your life WITHOUT THEM around you...
4. If EITHER 1. or 2. comes to pass... then you will have sufficient information to CULL the miscreants from you life.... THEN you can proceed from there...
Good luck.... I hope your concern(s) are really not so....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): Few years back my sister always made a play for my boyfriends,she made a point of it.She simply wanted to prove she could do it I think.Sometimes they fell for it others not. Then eventually she went for my husband,that worked.She had boyfriends, 2 or 3 serious. She was always jealous of my life though it me a long time to see that,it was my friends who pointed it out.Thing is,she was actually younger, good looking,fun, but her character ruined by her battle to be better or whatever than me.She really had nothing to be jealous of,she had it all.You view your sister as a girl who would steal your boyfriends, unless she is like my sister,why would she? If the men you date did make a pass at her then they are not worth your time, also they would have asked her out rather than you, if it was her they wanted.Stop worrying.If she does try,if its in her nature just be ready to have strong words with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): In a nutshell, any guy that would lust after your sisters physical appearance rather than love you for YOU, is not worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): Your fears are not pathetic at all. And I have faced what you are facing. In fact over the years I have come to realize I am not lesser than my sister. But as I had spent all my life being told, by my mother, that my younger sister was the beautiful one, and that I had to be content with a nice nature, it is a wonder it did not affect me more. My big "crime" was to have paler honey colored hair and paler skin like my father. My mother hated my father and they fought regularly, especially when they were both inebriated. While my sister and my mother are carbon copies of each other with dark hair and olive skin. My younger sister, at 17, had long dark hair. She flirted better than me. She likes standing in a doorway provacatively displaying her assets. She had successfully lured away other girl's boyfriends, only to drop them soon after. She did it to me too. So when I met my then super crush (who I eventially married) I was almost hesitant to take him home. My sister came to realize that he often turned up to collect me around 7pm on Friday and Saturday to go somewhere. I would get home only to find her in the only bathroom. She would resist all efforts to come out of the bathroom and finally about twenty minutes before he was due to arrive she would emerge from the bathroom. Then I would rush in to wash my hair and shower. Meanwhile I would then go to my room to dress, put on new makeup etc. Invariably I would hear him arrive, but I would still be dressing and then i would emerge, be a little late, by a few minutes. And when I went out to meet him? She would already be there. Not sitting down of course. No, she would be languidly leaning against the wall near the door, trying to make scintillating conversation with him. This went on for some time. I grew a little apprehensive. In the end I raised the issue with him, and shared my fears with him. His response was to laugh and tell me that he knew what my younger sister was trying to do, that he was a wake-up to her games, and he was not impressed. He said he already knew which sister he was impressed with, and it was not my younger sister. After that I felt completely secure in the knowledge that he cared enough about me, and time proved me right.If a guy will very easily stray, then he is no prize and is not worth fighting for.If a guy has the strength to resist shallow flirting when he is already in a relationship then he's a keeper.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): My husband has a brother, who is actually half brother who is gorgeous. He could easy be an actor, that's how beatifull he is.He is much taller, younger like by 10 years, and spends hours in GYM. Do I care how he looks? I admit the fact that he is very handsome, but how does it effect me loving my husband: it has no effect whatsoever.There is always someone who is more beatifull than you. I have plenty of beatifull girlfriends who are still single, but who attract lot a of attention from guys. I hang out with them, we go out, and I see this all the time. It doesn't bother me a bit. I m pretty as well, but not as striking and thin as them. Especially if it's your sister, I think you have nothing to worry about. A woman has an ability to send signals to men not to approach. And also hopefully your boyfriend is a normal guy who really likes you and won't be overwhelmed by your sisters beauty to the point that he will drop you.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 January 2013):
I've been in that situation a number of times, it's pretty common. You can't worry about them finding her attractive, it'll happen.
However it's not like they thought you were literally the most beautiful woman in the world and their whole idea of you will shatter once they see your better looking sister.
The reality is that unless the guy and your sister are horrible people nothing will remotely come of it other than him noticing that she's attractive.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 January 2013):
 How close are you with your sister? Are you two competitive, and has sibling rivalry always been a factor in your relationship?
I can tell you this -- if you and your sister are close, you've got nothing to worry about. A true sister would rather have her arm cut off than betray her by messing with a boyfriend. Regardless of how you feel, there's always no time like the present to case aside insecurity and strengthen sisterly bonds between you and her.
As far as worrying that your boyfriend will see your sister and cast you aside for her, of course he might find her attractive, like any guy or girl sees an attractive car, or house, or whatever. But he's into you. If you're insecure because he already has a wandering eye or has done things in order to keep you off-balance in your relationship, then he's no good.
Also, if your sister is a good sister and she's close to you, any move your boyfriend were to make towards her would be met with icy cold rejection, and she'd tell you about what he tried to do with her. Even if he were to hurt you and break up with you, your sister would look at him as if he were pond scum for hurting you.
Bottom line, your boyfriend is either high caliber and loves you for you, or he's a dog. Your sister being beautiful won't bust up a guy who's into you. You remember the song, right? He only has eyes for you. However, insecurity is unattractive, so nip that in the bud right now because you've got nothing to worry about.
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