A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Last week(8th april) only I came to know that I'm pregnant. Since I didn't get my period on time(3rd april), I went to see doctor. Doctor did pregnancy test and confirmed that I'm pregnant. Doctor advised us not to have sex for next one month. But today when I was asleep, suddenly I opened my eyes only to find my husband on my top penetrating me. Though he finished things very quickly and didn't come inside me, Still I'm worried. My husband tried to convince me by saying that nothing bad will happen as he loaded sperm outside and also his strokes were very slow. But still I'm tensed. Please guide me. Whether my baby is safe. I don't want to lose my baby as its my first. Please tell me what to do. I'm afraid.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): Well first off I don't know why your doctor would tell you not to have sex unless there is some underlaying reason: you had a miscarriage, you have a weak uterus...etc. But you should know WHY you are not allowed to have sex for a month, I really would ask your doctor why you cannot, just so you know, because that is very odd to me that you could not. Second, yes it is a form of rape even if it is your husband, I had a boyfriend like that when I was younger. I mean we would have sex, but when i slept he would do things to me in my sleep and have sex with me even when I told him not to. ( hst was a main reason we broke up) If your husband cares about you and your child then he will wait. If you cant trust him, lock yourself in a sperate room in the house to sleep, as bad as thsat sounds what are you going to do if you cannot trust him? I'm hoping by doing that you will be getting the pint across. Sit down with him and have talk stating that he cannot do that you do not want it and you feel very violated and now uncomfortable sleeping next to him. Besides after the baby comes if you deliver vaginally you can't have sex for about six weeks after ( due to stitches and you are a bit sore of course) So if he can't wait a month, then pardon my french but how the hell is he going to wait six weeks to have sex with you!?? Its pretty serious so please sit down aand have along chat with him, if he doesn't believe you, have him talk to your doctor! I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Having sex with someone while they are asleep and unaware is actually a form of rape - even if he's your husband.
He may care about you, but what he did is actually... weird and not something a partner should be doing. If he wants to have sex, you should be conscious of the fact.
All that aside, he needs to know the doctor's orders explicitly. Perhaps you didn't explain it properly. Or perhaps he just wasn't listening (which is quite possible).
Take him with you when you go to the doctor's so he can hear it straight from the doc's mouth. And if you have been taking him along and he still goes against the no sex thing, then he doesn't sound very respectful and he needs to learn how to change his behaviour.
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A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Take your hubby to the doctors include him in the visits that way he will be inform on the what and what not to do while you are pregnant. Congratulations to you and your hubby on your pregnancy!!!!
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A
female
reader, Not My Name +, writes (14 April 2010):
 I suggest you take you husband along to the doctors with you and get the doctor to tell him why he has advised you not to have sex and what potential consequences and/or complications could arise if he does not follow the doctors advice.
I too had placenta previa and was told not to have sex, tho, that was not determined until the first ultrasound at 8 weeks, so ask the doctor what it is they are thinking is a problem at this very early stage to have made this recommendation.
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A
female
reader, Polaroid93  +, writes (14 April 2010):
What he did is discusting and it's even worse if you told him about the harm that could be suffered as a result of sex. Maybe try and satisfy him with oral sex, however, I don't think he deserves it seem as he pretty much seems to have raped you but I don't think you can see that. He needs to respect you more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): My doctor told me no sex during pregnancy because I had a placental abruption (when the placenta detaches from the uterine wall). Too much strain or penetration and the placenta could have completely detached. I would have lost the baby and possibly hemoraged. Did the doctor give you a reason why? Sex is safe during pregnancy unless there is something wrong. Tell your husband to respect what the doctor says. Your doctor told you that for the safety of the baby.
Are you bleeding now? A lot of pregnancies start out with a placenta previa, where the placenta is sitting right on top of the cervix. Sex literally squeezes the placenta and can cause bleeding. The placenta usually moves, but you do not want to damage it because the consequences are MUCH worse.
I had a previa that turned into an abruption. I bled constantly, and was on bed rest the entire pregnancy. I spent most of my time in the hospital because the abruption sent me into labor at 21 weeks. The doctors kept it off for 2 months. I had a premie who was in the NICU (shes fine though). They did an emergency c-section when the bleeding got so bad that they couldnt stop it or the labor anymore. When they broke my water there was so much blood in it that it looked like port wine. later they told me that had I vaginally delivered the baby, she would have lost all her oxygen and died, and I would have hemoraged and died.
Im sorry to scare you, but the lesson here was that listening to my doctor saved both of our lives. Your husband should understand that. If you are worried talk to your doctor. They will check it out and determine if the baby is in danger. Listen to your body and don't ignore your gut feelings for your husbands convienience!
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