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female
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anonymous
writes: When I was on vacation last year I met this guy, let's call him Steve. So Steve and I hung out and really liked eachother. We exchanged e-mail addresses and all that, and have been talking for the past year and a half. And I really, really, really, REALLY like him. The only problem is, obviously, he lives overseas. Argh.So my friends tried to set me up with this guy Jeff. Jeff lives here, and we hung out tonight and he's really cool, I like him alot.And now I have the opportunity to date Jeff. But, I know that if I date Jeff, I will still have hardcore feelings for Steve.Steve and I are going to be seeing a lot of eachother next summer (vacations), and the first time I get to see him is in about 6.5 months. Part of me thinks that if I wait the 6 months and see Steve again, I'll tell him how I feel and see if anything can happen, even if it would be a long distance thing for a while. Cause if things can work out with him, that's my absolute #1 choice.But then another part of me thinks I should give Jeff a chance and just date him for a while. But then I'm afraid that if we're still dating when I see Steve again, I'll miss my chance with him. Honestly, I'd pick an LDR with Steve over a regular relationship with Jeff. That's how much I like Steve.So yeah...if I date Jeff it's possible that I'd only be using him to get over Steve, and I probably won't get over him. But then if I waste my time waiting around for Steve, and nothing happens, I'll have missed my chance with Jeff.I am a mess. Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2006): When I read your post I had a slight heart attack because I'm in the exact same position (I met a guy while overseas and have kept in touch but my friends keep trying to set me up with nice boys near home). Regardless of what happens between you and Steve, I don't think it's fair to use Jeff as a rebound guy, especially if you KNOW you'd prefer Steve to Jeff. Don't think about it as if you're potentially missing a chance with Jeff; it's not like you really want to be with him anyway, so don't feel any regrets if things don't work out between you and Steve. If anything, date other guys from home but make it clear to whomever is setting you guys up that you're really not looking for anything exclusive, so as not to lead anyone on. Good luck with Steve and you're lucky you'll be able to see him again this summer. I've resigned myself (and my heart!) to accepting my semester of ideal lovin' as a fond memory and dream. I hope your love story has a happier, more fulfilled ending :)
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