A
female
age
36-40,
*one*Starlet87
writes:I'm a 23 year old girl who recently really started feeling depressed and I know it is linked to me still being a virgin. It was always something in the back of my mind that I would just think about when I saw a romance movie or something, but as of lately it's a daily thought that I go to bed with. I have such a fear of getting old without ever falling in love and having kids. I grew up as a Mormon and I was never allowed to socialize with the opposite sex. I guess I'm really not upset about being a virgin , but my inability to get into a relationship and open up to another person. The funny part is I'm always getting hit on but automatically think they are looking for sex...lol. Ideally I would like to meet a guy in a similar situation to mine but I dont think many guys in their mid to late 20's are still virgins. What could be wrong with me? I wonder if I have some type of social anxiety?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): I m 23 years old virgin male. I've never been in a relationship or ever kissed either. Because i live in India, most of my friends are either virgins or married. Having such a circle of friends greatly helps keeping your mind off these things although it might not apply to your case but it certainly proves that staying a virgin is not a disease or something...
Since you said that you were not allowed to socialize with the opposite sex, it is very likely that you don't have male friends. Before you jump into a relationship( i don't know why you are so desperate about it) you need to make some male friends first(no cousins). This greatly helps clearing misconceptions in your mind about guys in general(for example:they are looking for sex, etc)
You will be surprised to find out that guys are just like you. They too have insecurities worrying them just the same as you. I know this cause i went to an all boys school(girls were alien species to me) and i made my first female friend in college(with great difficulty). I was surprised too but soon became very comfortable with them. Eventually opening up ceased to be a problem. My reason of staying single was professional hazard as the software engineering field is a very demanding field and i rarely find time to get into a serious relationship.
Since you have guys hitting on you, just respond to them but put a full stop when they ask for sex. If they stick around, you've made a few male friends. Hang around them (don't cling, just behave like you normally would with your female friends) until you feel very comfortable with them. Once you are totally comfortable with guys(you know that when you are concentrating on the guy you are conversing with rather than your insecurities and the fact that while making friends you cease to care whether its a he or a she) then you are qualified to enter the dating scene.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): There aren't many guys left virgins at your age. But I think the virgin guys may start to outnumber the girls by the middle and later 20s. More girls want to abstain from sex but I think more guys actually do.
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A
male
reader, BassiveMalls +, writes (16 September 2010):
 If you want to be in a relationship and you are constantly being hit on then the opportunity is there and you have only yourself to blame. Be thankful you're a girl and you get to have the opposite sex come up to instead of being the pursuer. If you want to be in a relationship you gotta start with dates so go on a date with one of these guys that ask you out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): I'm over 30 years old and still a virgin, by choice.
There is nothing wrong with you.
I suggest you marry a good virgin and work towards living "happily ever after". It does not happen automatically (far from it) but you can make it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): Hello, just a quick comment for comparison.
I am a 27 year old male virgin from a atheist background in the UK. I can completly understand your feelings regarding this and share many of those worries. I have had the same feelings for quite some time, and I think the best thing to do would be forget about it and go and enjoy your life! That part will sort itself out with time.
Before you say 'he has no right to say that if he still a virgin' I would point out that I believe I am a social recluse, and am not able to easily socialise with the opposite sex, something it sounds like you have at least succeeded with.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (16 September 2010):
 There's nothing wrong with you. As you said, you have difficulty opening up to people. You don't trust others easily, but that doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with you as a person.
In a way you're right; to some degree they're looking for sex, because that's what initial attraction is based on. Some men may want more than that, some don't. It's usually easy to tell the difference, so the next time a nice guy comes up to you, talk to him. Nothing has to happen, but the more you do it, the more you'll get used to opening up and speaking to people you don't know yet.
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