A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 44 and he's 25.....we met on fb this past summer after he sent me a request:)My initial impression of him was that he was a good looking guy but a bit insecure and perhaps a bit full of himself( bc of al the selfies and muscle pics on his profile) After taking a few times I thought that maybe he was looking for an "adventure" but now that we have talked MANY times I have started to feel a connection with him that goes beyond attraction( I feel like I'm talking to to a male version of my younger self and we really understand each other!.....yes there has been some sexting as well:))He has started calling me his girl and talks about wanting to meet in real life!!What are your thoughts on this and how would you advise me to proceed?Thank you so much in advance!!
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (13 March 2021):
 Way to much drama, i'm sure you don't really need all of this going on at your time of life.
Block him, and the mother and move on with your life.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 March 2021):
 Fully agree with Code Warrior.
His MOMMY contacted you and chastised you. Seriously? And when you told him that you are rethinking this "thing" he got mad and blamed everything on you. THAT should tell you just how "mature" he is. Or rather isn't.
BLOCK him, remove him (and block his mommy too). find someone who lives closer to you whom you CAN actually get to spend time with in person.
Sounds like the little fantasy is over. So be the one to close the book.
I wouldn't be happy with someone significantly older courting one of my daughters - so I kind of "get" his mom - however, I would not ever get in the middle of that. I would him it was a fart in a hurricane that would blow over and if not, that the person was a decent person.
What I don't get is the thought that you have your "claw" in this kid (according to mommy) seriously? He might not BE 15 but his mommy sees him as some young child being chased by a predatory older woman. And... a competitor for his attention and affection.
It's not worth it.
Definitely let it go. Wash your hands of their drama. Move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell....his mom contacted me on fb and accused me of being the type of woman the lures young men( let's not for get that HE added and chased me and tried to seduce me with sexy pics of himself) to have wild and empty sex with them......when I told her I didn't want sex from him but just wanted to get to know him she said it wasn't right or moral for me to keep on talking to him( he's 25 not 15!!.... and I should let him go!! )
I confronted him and told him that I was thinking of walking away and that it made me realize just how young he still was( to need his mom's protection, etc) and that he still needed to grow and both him and is mom need to gain confidence in him as a man...
He replied by shifting the blame and getting mad at me for talking to his mom and or reminding him again that he wis young and there's been radio silence for almost a week now!!!
Should I accept that it's over?..... is he being push away from me by his mom?.......or is he avoiding me out of shame?........is there a chance I might hear from him again( I'm a bit broken hearted and in a bit of a shock!!)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2021): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell....his mom contacted me on fb and accused me of being the type of woman the lures young men( let's not for get that HE added and chased me and tried to seduce me with sexy pics of himself) to have wild and empty sex with them......when I told her I didn't want sex from him but just wanted to get to know him she said it wasn't right or moral for me to keep on talking to him( he's and I should let him go!! not !!)
I confronted him and told him that I was thinking of walking away and that it made me realize just how young he still was( to need his mom's protection, etc) and that he still needed to grow and both him and is mom need to gain confidence in him as a man...
He replied by shifting the blame and getting mad at me for talking to his mom and or reminding him again that he wis young and there's been radio silence for almost a week now!!!
Should I accept that it's over?.....or is he being push away from me by his mom?.......or is he avoiding me out of shame?........is there a chance I might hear from him again( I'm a bit broken hearted and in a bit of a shock!!)
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2020): I was kinda glad I cannot just jump on a train and visit him !? Sweetheart, I am in a great relationship and have been for years. But when I was single and looking no way would I travel a long way for a man, he would come to me - and no way would I make do with a long distance thing which is fraught with problems and complications and often lies.
A lot of online scammers write to women they do not know through social media trying to say all of the right things and it leading to milking the woman for money. That is why they pick women twice their age - they see them as desperate or needing to be grateful. Even if he is genuine what have you got in common? Nothing. I find younger men incredibly boring and vain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2020): Oh no.Girl this man has mommy issues.This is the reason he cannot find a girl where he lives.Tread lightly here and be aware of this.He may make you feel young but why???Is it his immaturity because soon it will show and then what???He is a child..Be smarter than this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2020): Going on a first date with someone is always a mix of exciting and scary. When meeting someone in person that you originally met online, there are some extra concerns that you need to handle. If you are considering meeting him in person, hopefully you have already spoken to them over the phone. If not, do it immediately. Meeting up with someone you met online can be very exciting, and it can be easy to get carried away in the moment. You do, however, need to be cautious. Decide before your date what you are and are not willing to share with someone that you do not know. Have fun, but be cautious.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2020): How do you know the photo and personality he presented to you is his? There was once a case of a guy advertising online for a mate, using a photo of a very handsome young guy, when in reality he was much older, fat and bald. The big mistake he made was in using a photo of a famous guy!
This guy might be dreaming he was fitter and better looking and using a photo of a fitter man.
Why would a guy who is about 20 and fit and good looking, who knows loads of people, need to make do with a long distance relationship or sexting? If he was genuine he would be able to click his fingers and get together with a very young sexy and attractive woman for real easily.
Unless he has problems like drugs, drink, prison, debts etc and is looking for someone to help him out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2020): Men who go on about muscles and looks tend to be very shallow and empty headed. I have met plenty of them, they spend a lot of time and money on looking great but when it comes to conversation you would do better talking to a dead fish. Very often they have ignored getting an education, learning things, knowing things, having opinions on anything else other than looks, sex etc. They are often crap with money - both earning it and saving it and knowing when and how to spend it. They are not thinkers. They do not plan. They take each day as it comes. Is this the sort of man you want? Doubt it.When these sort of guys get into women they usually prefer bimbos, big silicone boobs, long legs, no cellulite, giggly school girl types, someone who will hang on their every word without an opinion, who thinks it is cool if he takes her out for a milk shake.How can this last?Only get into this if you are sure you are happy with it being a short fling. I don't accept that you really believe he is like a younger you, no woman can ever feel the same as a man, and no young person like one twice their age.You will always be totally different.And remember that there are a lot of real guys and fake guys out there who believe that older women are there for sexual experience and nothing more... or for their money.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2020): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all.....thank you all so much for your answers!!
Picture wise they are all real( I have done research on him bc I too wanted to make sure i'm not being catfished and I found him on youtube where he has a fitness channel and he does look like his pics AND I also Looked at his mother's account on fb where she has pics with herself and him and shared some of his fitness modelling pics and it's him!!
He works as a personal trainer and fitness model and just bought himself a one bedroom apartment( where he hopes I will visit him!)
Pandemic wise I am kind of glad that it's happening bc I have an excuse why I can't just jump on a plane and visit him( he lives in Europe while I live in Canada)
I have yet to talk to him on the phone( fb audio/video ap) bc until now he was living with his brother but now that he bought a place and is moving out I told him I want to hear his voice( but I'm also curious to see if we can connect that way as there have been many men my own age who I couldn't even get excited about meeting in person after talking to them on the phone)
My concerns are:
- that he is just after sex and is hoping that i'm desperate or needy and bc I have more experience I will "rock his world"
he's not interested in me as person and will run away when he hears that I have been divorced......I won't be having children.....I have had health problems in the past.....etc!
My hope for this friendship are that if we get to know each other better he too will feel the connection I feel and will be interested in my soul rather than just my body! WISHFUL THINKING??
I realize that this "fantasy" could be a coping mechanism to help me deal with the pandemic OR
a chance for me to feel young again and make up for lost times( I was with my ex husband through ALL my 20s and early 30s:( )
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2020): Don't forget that a lot of people are very adept at tuning in to those they want to con. They get to know the person and their likes, dislikes, personality and experiences and pretend to be all of those things too. Had that happen to me and got the t-shirt. Before it was all online.He thought I was all sex, drugs and rock and roll so that's who he was when he was with me. He was a physical therapist and he treated me and my family, so I knew that when he was treating my Mum, he was all dancing her round the room, talking about singing in a choir, becuase she did and being very charming. With my Dad he was all about the DIY and cars. We ALL fell for it, I went out with him, my Mum loved him and my Dad who didn't like anyone much, thought a great deal of him. His diary was stuffed. I know because I became his receptionist. I also saw ALL the other personas he used with people to get them to emotionally connect with him. Very clever. Also scarily sexually abusive and I got out fast.I'm not saying that this guy you've been talking to is the same, but I certainly would NOT rule it out. Come on, a young guy chatting to a middle-aged woman? Why exactly? I'm not saying you're not great and attractive etc, but you really must have a good think about what this guy is about. The internet as I'm sure you're aware is a wonderful playground for people who want to take advantage of others. They can do what the physical therapist I was telling you about did. People are desperate for connection with others, excitement, especially at the moment.With the hundreds, thousands of women out there who he can connect with, why you? When you're so much older? Could that be why? Is he good at this do you think? Making older women feel young again, by tapping into their young psyche?If you meet him and personally I wouldn't want to risk being caught being so gullible (I could be wrong, I know), then keep your purse and your legs SHUT. For a VERY long time. Then you'll find out what you need to know.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 November 2020):
I agree with Code Warrior.
Do you really see this going to turn into anything worth your while? If you are honest?
You are 19 years his senior, which mean you probably have a whole different outlook on life, more life experiences, relationship experiences, career experiences etc. etc. You probably also are on a VERT different place in your life. (Or I should hope so)
You say he reminds you of a "a male version of my younger self" OK, but you are NOT that GIRL anymore, you are a WHOLE grown woman. A MATURE grown woman. He is now an adult, but still a YOUNG adult.
Right now you are talking over apps etc. so this is a FANTASY. You say we UNDERSTAND each other... sure. I bet it feels that way. People get a "high" from falling in love or crushing on someone, regardless of whether it's a good idea, or if all you really know is his PERSONA - what he WANTS you to know.
Ask yourself this too, WHAT am I looking for?
What does HE have to offer?
Why is he interested in you? (not that there is anything wrong with you! but a guy in his mid 20's pursuing a woman in her mid 40's? Doesn't that strike you a little out of character? Especially if he is the kind to post a LOT of "muscle pics" online?
If you DO meet up, DO NOT get carried away with your little fantasy. Gave some self preservation and COMMON SENSE. That means - meet in public, don't go anywhere private with him, don't get in his car and don't take him home. Let someone know where you are and who you are meeting. Yes, I know... you are a whole GROWN woman but that doesn't mean you are SAFE from unsafe people!
Does he work? What does he do? Is he financially stable?
Is he looking for someone to take care of him?
Does he do steroids? Because that would scare the fire out of me. That would be a person to avoid. They can become unstable at the drop of a hat.
Lastly, do not forget that people can be VERY charming and have bad intentions.
And yes, I would say something similar if you were the young woman and he the older guy. For me the age difference is not SUCH a big deal but the meeting someone completely random online is not always safe or smart. And in these times of "ye olde plague" people seem to throw caution to the wind because they are starved for interactions, attention and affection. Keep your wits about you.
If something seems too good to be true... it likely is.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (12 November 2020):
You have not even met yet, so you only know him through online chat and some sexting.
I would not read to much in to it, infact i would be inclined to take it all with a pinch of salt.
He is at a different stage in life to where your at, and his wants and needs will differ greatly to yours.
Like Code Warrior says, i would proceed cautiously with this. He could very well be showing all the correspondence between yourselves and having a laugh with his pals.
Also as you have not met him yet, be careful that this is not someone pretending to be someone else and using fake pictures to reel you in.
Not trying to put you off, just to make you aware of the possibilities that could arise from this.
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