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female
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anonymous
writes: My dad has always been emotionally distant from me. When I got married it got even worst, almost like I wasn't his daughter anymore. He never comes around to see my kids or asks me how I am doing. Everytime I try to reach out to him he pulls away, almost like he can't take it. This is going to sound to extremely childish but I'm 35 yrs old and I still wish my dad would just "I love you" to me.Have any of you experienced this? How did it feel for you to have emotionally distant parents? Is there any way I can have a close relationship with him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): Some parents really do feel that they are overstepping their bounds if they continue to be parents into their children's adult lives. Some children are ok with this, but it is clearly an issue for you. Your Dad may feel like you don't really "need" him anymore, especially if you're married and with a family of your own. Because this is such a longterm issue, my advice will necessarily be vague, but the best plan would be to make a point of including him in as many activites as you can. You should expect him to decline a lot at first, but if you can break through every now and then, you'll start accumulating more and more time spent together, which fosters the bond you're missing. Even when he declines, the message remains "we want you around and you are important to us". Your family, in fact, is an ideal vehicle to plan activities around. If you really want to entice him more, pick up on things that you know he likes doing - it'll be harder for him to refuse. Overall, the key ingredient is spending time together.
The same advice applies to the old "I love you". Make sure that you're saying it every now and then, and eventually he should let it slip out.
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