A
male
age
30-35,
*kir
writes:So I've recently met this girl, she's 15, but she seems so nice and mature, but ok she can also be quite childish as well. But she seems really into me and I'm 21, now the legal age for stuff I know is 16 but I wouldnt do anything with this girl until she was 16 and ready, my question is, is it morally ok for me to want to date this girl?I mean a few years back I would of said no but now I'm past the whole image thing I dont care about too much, obviously I do have boundaries but this girl seems unusually interesting to me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, gdas2hearts  +, writes (17 September 2010):
I'd say keep in touch, become friendly, and eventually if something happens, ask her parents for permission. Be the adult and don't use her because she's a kid. It's risky but nothings impossible, take my word for it. me and a soon-to-be 21 year old are hitting it off and because of my parents huge-ass ages difference theyre cool with it because they know him to be nice and responsible. Once again, risky, but possible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010): no it is not ok and im sure your not going to stop having sex so if your not going to do it with her are u planing on cheating on her?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 September 2010):
 At 15 she should be childish...she is still very young. You are finding fault with her before you have even started dating which is a problem. If her parents are decent people then you should face some objection to the relationship. Firstly, as celtic has said this girl is facing her exams this year which can be a make or break moment in a future career. Secondly, most parents would worry that a 21 year old man had a sexual interest in their young daughter. They might think you want to practice on her before moving onto an older girl. If you want to do the decent thing, leave dating this girl until she is a year or two older. If you really cannot wait, at least visit her parents soon to explain your motivations as it will cause lots of stress for this girl at home otherwise.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 September 2010):
 She is too young for you. You are in two very different places in your life and want and need very different things.
If she is 15, she will be doing her GCSE's next year. This means a lot of pressure on her. Can you remember how you felt then? You have probably gone to uni, got a degree and are now in the world of work? You have money, a social life and can do what you want, when you want.
What do you like to do? She is 15. She cant see 18 movies, she cant go out to the clubs, she cant go to the pub and drink. You couldnt take her out with your friends because it would be an "adult" situation and she is only a child.
What do you actually have in common?
Girls at that age get crushes on older guys. It is cool to have bagged a "man" rather than a spotty teenage boy. The street cred would go way up. BUT she is not ready for a man.
You are of an age where you are looking to have a proper relationship, with everything that goes with that. She hasnt even done her GCSEs yet. Then she will do A levels, then might go away to Uni. she still has a lot of growing and a lot of developing to do. Mentally and physically she still has a long way to go before she is ready to have a proper relationship.
Apart from that, because you are legally an adult. if anything was to happen, even if it was just touching before she was 16, you could well be put on the sex offenders register. Even touching or oral sex, mutual masturbation, anything are all illegal on a minor, and because you are over 18, an adult, they would throw the book at you, your life would be ruined.
Dont risk it. She is not worth it.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 September 2010):
She is too young for you. You are in two very different places in your life and want and need very different things.
If she is 15, she will be doing her GCSE's next year. This means a lot of pressure on her. Can you remember how you felt then? You have probably gone to uni, got a degree and are now in the world of work? You have money, a social life and can do what you want, when you want.
What do you like to do? She is 15. She cant see 18 movies, she cant go out to the clubs, she cant go to the pub and drink. You couldnt take her out with your friends because it would be an "adult" situation and she is only a child.
What do you actually have in common?
Girls at that age get crushes on older guys. It is cool to have bagged a "man" rather than a spotty teenage boy. The street cred would go way up. BUT she is not ready for a man.
You are of an age where you are looking to have a proper relationship, with everything that goes with that. She hasnt even done her GCSEs yet. Then she will do A levels, then might go away to Uni. she still has a lot of growing and a lot of developing to do. Mentally and physically she still has a long way to go before she is ready to have a proper relationship.
Apart from that, because you are legally an adult. if anything was to happen, even if it was just touching before she was 16, you could well be put on the sex offenders register. Even touching or oral sex, mutual masturbation, anything are all illegal on a minor, and because you are over 18, an adult, they would throw the book at you, your life would be ruined.
Dont risk it. She is not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2010):
 I think you need to be VERY careful around this girl. You said she was nice and mature, but really WHAT do you guy have in common?
You life as you know it can be over in a flash if you guys have sex and she regrets it or even mention it to anyone else.
I agree with Phoebe, she is at 15 considered a child and you a young adult and the age difference would normally not b a big deal. 6 years is not much... IF you are both in the same age category...
I think you like the "hero worship" more then the actual girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): A few eyes brows were raised when my 20 year old bro started dating a 16 year old .... thankfully he had her parent's premission and also was under strict instructions of no hanky panky. lol. Okay, so they weren't always so innocently behaved but because he liked the lass and her parents ... he respected their wishes, until daughter wanted otherwise that is but they'd been dating just shy of 2 years at that point. They have been dating now 5 years and i forsee a long happy road a head for them :) Sometimes it works and is morally okay but i would say get her parents premission and date according to their rules. Better to be honest about it then sneek behind their backs.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (2 September 2010):
 I would stay away. Even if legally it's ok to talk to her and stuff, there'd be a lot of questions from her parents as well as people who know you. It would be very difficult. It's a better option to find someone nearer your own age. I know if I were 15 and had wanted to date a 21 year-old my parents would have said NO WAY, and it's likely hers would have the same reaction. At 15, even an 18 year-old boyfriend is pushing it. She's very young, and slightly vunerable. A six year age gap is not that bad when it's between two adults, but legally she's still a child, and you know a lot more about relationships than she probably does. However mature and interesting she may be, she's probably not ready to date a grown man, when she's not even grown up herself.
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