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female
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anonymous
writes:What do I do?My boyfriend of 2 1/2 months is very keen on me. I do like him a lot but I don't believe that I love him or anything. I have known him for 2 years.He doesn't know that I have never had a boyfriend before and I reckon just assumes I have had sex before.He has tried it on a few times, but it stopped before we went too far! I do find him sexually attractive, but realy don't know whether to have sex with him?He is lovely and caring towards me. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I think I have put it off for long enough.Should I tell him about being a virgin? Can he tell if I am anyway?Oh, dear. I am just so worried about all this!!! Afraid to talk to anyone about all this, and afraid will become pregnant to someone I can't realy see myself being with for a long time!I don't want to let go of him as he is the only guy who has ever taken time to get to know me and really adore me.Help, 20 yr old in need of advice.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (22 May 2006):
 Do not sleep with a guy if you do not feel ready for it. Get yourself some contraception before you do sleep with anybody though, in this day and age there is really very little reason for you to get pregnant if you take sensible precautions. Dont sleep with this guy cos you think he expects it of you. Save the whole virginity thing for somebody you love.
x
A
female
reader, joanna44 +, writes (22 May 2006):
 if he really cares about you it wont matter you havnt had sex before , in fact he might think its a good thing as he will be your 1st and it will be specail for you both.
just tell him hun honestly it will be fine
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 May 2006):
 You sound like you're not ready for sex with this guy, and that you think it's a foregone conclusion, as if you "owe it to him" for liking you...
Hey, you're worth more than that!
Please don't have sex with someone -- particularly virginity-losing sex -- who you don't feel strongly about. Anyone who's been there (myself included) will tell you that it's a disappointment to do so. You only get one First-Time Sex one time in your life; do you want it to be something you did only because you felt like you 'had to'?
Remember this: any guy who'd break up with you because you won't have sex with him, only cares about sex, not about you. If he respects and cares for you, he'll understand that you're not ready.
At age 20, yes, it's likely he assumes that you've had sex before, and so he might be wondering why you keep resisting. That's why I think it's a good idea to level with him. If the worst that can happen is that he says "A virgin?! Ewwww!" and abandons you -- like THAT'S gonna happen! -- then you can be sure that he was only after sex anyway. Nothing lost, right?
Next time you two are together, speak up. Say words to the effect of "Jack, I haven't mentioned this before, but I think it's important to tell you that I'm a virgin. That's why I've been avoiding anything that might lead to sex..." You'll probably want to let him know that you still don't feel ready for sex, but you'll pick those words at the time.
If your boyfriend is like most guys, he'll be surprised at first, and then relieved that you weren't just avoiding his advances because you thought he was unsexy. The chances of his leaving you because you're not ready for sex are actually pretty small... but as I've said, if those are his true colours, it's not much of a loss, is it?
To answer your other question, No, he can't "tell" for sure if you're a virgin or not, although he may have some suspicions if you experience discomfort or slight bleeding during sex. But no, it's not like he could shine a torch into your vagina and see a "To Let" sign! ;-)
Summarising: Please don't feel pressured into sex as if it's "payment" for his attention to you. You'll cheapen the act and you'll enjoy it less if you're scared and unsure. And let him know what's on your mind. Once the facts are clear, you'll both understand what's going on a lot better.
Good luck, dear!
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A
female
reader, angelicdivauk +, writes (21 May 2006):
 hey chicken, okay firstly, you say you don't know whether to sleep with him or not. My answer is that if you are so worried about it then you are not ready physically or emotionally. If you don't feel you can talk to him about sex or tell him that you are a virgin then I dont think you can have such a physically intimate relationship with him, if you cant have an emotionally intimate relationship with him.Secondly, you say you can't see yourself staying with him forever, then your relationship won't last. I think sex is too important to have with just "anyone".Thirdly, if you do eventually decide to sleep with him, start going on the pill and use a condom for extra protection, then you won't get pregnant to someone u might leave. Loads of Love and Hugs xxx
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