A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Im 17 and i've had sex with 5 people. I havent even been sexually active for a year and i know this is too much. They havent just been random people, one night stands, but i havent felt comfortable enough with them for sex yet it still happened. I don't know what to do because i've said i don't really want to but in all five situations i've been pressurised into it. I don't know how to be firm with someone and tell them no. The worst thing is- i don't like thinking about it or even writing it down is that with each of the people i slept with, i didn't use condoms. And i do try, but they have said "dont you trust me??" "i wont cum i promise" etc and hav continued. I have never been all that confident in myself and have always been attracted to the wrong people. The last person i was with lied to me, he said he was 21, and i also lied and said i was 17 (when i was 16) then after a couple of weeks- after we had had sex- he slipped in that he was 26! i was upset but i liked the way he made me feel special and sexy and i kept seeing him- he asked me out and i said yes, then later i found him on myspace and it said he was 28. I was so upset i cried and cried and i just felt so used and filthy. (He also gave me chlamidia) I remember that i had told him i wanted to use a condom, and i told him about a friend that got herpes and it shook me up so id feel better if he used it and he kissed my head and said he understood- but during sex he took it off. i couldnt believe it, and how disrespectful it was. Four of the people i've been with have been over 20. I dont know why, i know that i look older than my age and i find boys my age really immature. maybe this has something to do with it. But i feel so knocked in confidence by the way most of these relationships have ended, like noone actually wants to be with ME, they just want sex with me. I get a lot of attention when im out, but i always think its just because i have big breasts and i feel uncomfortable about the way men stare- im a size 10 clothes but have a 34E chest and i hate it. I feel so awkward and uncomfortable and it makes me feel less confidence in people actually liking me. Im so sorry this is so long but please help me
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breasts, condom, confidence, herpes, immature, look older, myspace, one night stand Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): sorry-pressed the key by accident!:Sanyway, remember that you have free will, you are your own person, you have rights to respect you do not have to do anything a man asks you to if it is against your will. You do know that some of those cases would probably be classed as rape-this shows you they have no right to treat you like a piece of meat you're worth more than that. And you will meet someone who will show you that. Good luck mail me if you need to talk more xx :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): look you are young and nobody at this age is very responsible and all 16-17 year olds are naive at this age however if you don't start acting responsibly you are going to end up with babies all over the place, sexual diseases, no money or qualifications and worse. It's probably not you're fault because you're obviously very emotionally insecure- like so many other young girls and this is when we are most vulnerable. Therefore this the worst time for you to get involved with guys like this. The first thing you need to do is to check your health-go down the clinic and check these horrible men haven't given you any other diseases. Because of your insecurities you probably feel unloved and this is why you let men take advantage of you, have you got any close relatives or friends that you can confide in and turn to because this is the ultimate cure for you-you need to feel loved. Love is the key to everything-it will make you happy, confident, strong and secure. Believe me, everyone has somebody somewhere in the world you might not have found them yet but you will you will know when you meet them. And sex will not be the thing that tells you they are the right person, there are guys like this all over the place, ok most guys want the same thing but you must remember that you have free will, you are your own person, you ha
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): Hey
I think you have pin pointed the problem yourself, it's your confidence that you need to work at. It is a hard thing for a girl with low self-belief to say no confidently to guys, and not need to have sex with them. Like you have already experienced, it feels good up to the moment of having sex with them but afterwards you just feel even worse. Having known girls with pasts like the one you have described but who are 10 years older now, they all say what a brilliant feeling it is to be able to say No to a guy and to be able to walk away. That is how you get confidence in yourself.
If you are unhappy with your sexual history then make a choice to not get in to situations where you so easily give your body to a guy. You have already seen for yourself that as soon as you have guys talking you in to having unprotected sex etc that they have no respect for you. The first time you can confidently say no, it'll feel great to feel empowered and it'll make the next time even easier. Also perhaps think of things such as aiming for a proper long-term relationship based on love and respect, many guys your age have huge problems with sexually promiscuous girls - maybe that's unfair, but it is the way it is.
I really think you'll get your confidence from staying away from sex and guys. Concentrate on things that don't lead you down that path and I'm sure you can put your mistakes well in to your past and become a much stronger and confidence person for it. All the best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): omg!! you are excatly the same as me when i was you age!! to a tee!!even the breast n clothes size!! madness. to be honest babes there isnt really much advice i can give you cos if im right n u r the same ull have all the best intentions but these things will still happen cos at that moment you believe them, what they are saying, how they make you feel, or even as bad as it seems that they dnt make u feel good, but the fact they want to sleep with u is better that nothing, and then it becomes a viciuos circle!
i ALWAYS felt bad to say no like i was the one doing something wrong, as i got older i learnt to makes excuses, im on my reds(periods), or i got thrush, my my best was saying im a virgin and for some reason most guys(esp older ones) respect that. saying no isnt enough sometimes they alkways want reasons when trhe guy is more mature (i always ended up with older guys too n looked older than my age), cos he can see there is a vunerability in u and he can play on that! i dnt knw how to suggest u can hide that i really dnt best thing is to try to get ur own self0-confidence, guys respect women with confidence-moreover they dnt take advantage as much!
im 25yrs old and a single mum now, and i still am not the most confidence, but i have this wicked way of giving the impression im all with it, and deep down im not. you need to get someone you know you can trust whos responsilbe to talk to a guide you a little (my younger cousin is also the same as me n you too she ended up having an abortion at 18-cos she found it hard-difference is she had me to come to to talk to non judgementally and shes doing well now doing her nurse trainig.
its not always easy to find someone like that. i dnt have anyone i can trust but try joining your locaol gym and do a self defense class or something, just knowing you have that extra power no one knows about and knowing if you said no and they tried it you cld defend yourself might make your confidence increase. it worked for me but you really need to find you own ways and answers, you can ask people but babe noone can fix it for you, you can take it all on board but in the end its down to you.
be strong and dnt let it get you down. your an intelligent gal, and just the fact your seeking help speaks volumes of you.
dnt be down hearted or let anyrhing i said scare you not intended like that.. just want you to realise its down to you.
take care babe xx
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