A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 16 and I've been talking to a much older guy for about 3 years now. I really like him and feel like I'm in love with him. I know he knows I have a thing for him and he did say he does too but it's hard because of the age and a few other reasons. We get along amazingly and I feel like the happiest person ever when I'm with him. He's in Afghanistan right now and it's really hard. He says he misses me and I know I miss him a whole lot. Is it possible that I'm in love? And what should I do about this?By the way, I got a really rude comment last time so I'm going to clarify something. Our friendship doesn't revolve around sex, and he's well started his life, and I'm in school, focused on my schoolwork and going to start my life asap. I'm more mature than most girls my age, he (and many other people) always guess my age between 18-25 because of my maturity. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Yasemin  +, writes (28 December 2010):
omg i am in the same situation. :Pim 17 and have met someone online, hes 23 have seen his fotos have spoken to him on phone and we have been knowing eachother for like 4 months.i dont know why but when i compare myself to other girls icansee that i am more "mature" actually its weaird anyways i think im also inlove and we hve a long-distance-friendship.. but we started linking each other we decided to meet in turkey (im in holland) that was after we talked for 1 week but i was unsure imean i didnt know him that good and i just said i couldn meet because i believe everything needs time..anyways i believe that its too early like you guys said above, and even though i said i feel more mature i also believe im tooo young but thething is and i really do understand you, its breaking my heart icant concentrate on anyhing else its weird everytime im trying to forget abou thim i just canT.. butits also weird that whenever we talk we have the same ideas and whenever i want to say something he says the thing i was thinking of and this makes me believe more in this friendship and i know boys are stronger than girls and i feel so week now cuz i know that we can be manipulated or whatever very easily :"(
A
female
reader, CandyKins +, writes (6 November 2010):
 The only thing I disagree with is him being in Afghanistan and like one of the posts said, you're not in his priority. and the long distant. long distant relationships are very hard and if you love him enough to go through with it then take a chance! your relationship sounds strong and founded, you've know him for a long time, it doesn't involve sex and you mention your relationship as friendship but a platonic one, which is one of the most decent and best relationships one could ever have. So taking all those into consideration it makes up totally for the age and when you're 18 it wouldn't matter any more and ppl wouldn't judge because that's what they're doing. try and now allow it to have hold or affect the relationship. What's two years? but considering he's away you can either take it one step further or allow him to finish in Afghanistan first, which would mean letting him go. =(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): To all the replyers to this question, thank you. I wasn't expecting what I want to happen, I'm just confused I guess. But thanks everyone for answering. Admitting my maturity probably did make me sound a bit immature, but I was angry at a very harsh response. Thanks again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): I think the best thing here is to let it go. This guy has told you he doesn't want a relationship with you. He's 23 you're 16, he's deployed to afghanistan so i'm sorry to say you are not on his list of prioritise right now if ever.
If you are currently still contacting while he's over there, don't even think about bringing this up with him as he doesn't need any distractions from you.
If you really were as mature as you think you are then you'd know that this guy can't be your boyfriend and you have to realise sometimes we don't always get what we want.
By all means stay friends with this guy but forget the romantic idea you have in your head because it's not going to happen.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (31 October 2010):
 Am I correct in assuming the reason you're posting this question again is because no one told you what you wanted to hear? Feeling the need to point out your maturity accomplishes the exact opposite, in that it makes you look even less mature. Maturity is shown through actions and your manner of speaking, not through claiming to act older than your peers. Regardless, you're not going to get the exact response you want, because at the end of the day you're still only a 16 year old girl and he's a grown 23 year old man. He's well out of college and you're barely out of high school. You clearly know this is inappropriate, otherwise you wouldn't be asking if it's really love and what to do about it. I'm not saying this to be harsh, but you both likely still have a bit of growing up to do. Your friendship may not revolve around sex, but I think you might've missed the point of why someone would bring that up in the first place; any mature 23 year old with sense would know better than to pursue someone that's still considered not only a child, but a minor in many states. It would be best to remain only friends with him, nothing more. I think what you feel you're in love with is the idea of him and the idea of being with him, because he's not only older but now also very far away, somewhat in the sense of wanting what you can't have.Either way it's not likely to work out, especially if he's in active service. Try to focus on something or someone else.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 "I'm more mature than most girls my age"
At 16, ALL girls think they are more mature than most girls their age. You are not more mature, you just think you are.
We were all teenagers once, so take advice from those who have been there and done it.
you say you have been "talking" to this guy.... have you actually met him, or is this an internet romance?
If he is in the army, then he will not be looking to have a relationship with a 16 year old girl. No matter how "mature" you are, he lives in a different world, and you still have a lot of growing and developing to do.
If he is on active service he will be seeing things on a daily basis which as 16 year old would not be able to deal with. You cannot support him in the way he will need to be when he comes home. He may be suffering sever combat trauma, nightmares, flashbacks when he comes home. I dont think you fully understand that he may come back a changed person.
What if he is posted overseas? Would you go with him?
Are you actually in a relationship with this guy? A proper relationship that involves commitment, emotion as well as seeing each other on a regular basis. You say it is just a friendship? This might be how he sees you, just a friend.
I am really sorry, and you probably think I am being harsh, but I very much doubt he feels the same way about you. I think you have a crush.
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