A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 15, and the man I am having issues with is almost 21.First off, he has a girlfriend. He is having a long distance relationship with her and he is a bit 'deprived', as some might call it. We started talking about 3 months ago and he always talks about/asks for sex. I really don't mind that, I kind of actually find it nice to discuss sex as a natural part of life, not a taboo. We talk about basically anything, even cheating (which he claims he finds unnacceptable) but in almost every conversation, he asks me to "get on my knees for him" and basically asks me for sex of any and every kind.I don't know how serious these proposals are, but some part of me always wants to take him up on it. I am a virgin (even though he doesn't know this) and I don't want to find that he is just using me. I do have a strong desire, although I am in control of it, but some part of me knows (and doesn't want to admit) that this is not the way things are supposed to go your first time. Just so you know...1.I will not have unprotected sex.I am only 15, and I know I am not ready for a child.2. He is not a virgin, and he has openly told me this.3. On the other hand, until yesterday, when he was briefly angry with me (we were debating), he kept it hidden from me that he even had a girlfriend, and I believe he had meant to keep it that way.4. I have no father to talk to, and an emotionally unavailable mother, therefore i have no one to go to.5.He really is a great guy (maybe better as a friend then anything more) and I do want to make him happy. The only things holding me back are the fact that I am worried about how it would go my first time, and that I am very worried that he is using me.So in the end, what I really know I need ( though I don't particularly want it) is someone to talk me out of this. I know I shouldn't, though I want to, so I need some convincing. I am not looking for anything condescending, I just want help. Thanks for everything, Paige
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2011):
 please don't. it's not a good idea.
1. it will hurt you in the long run... make you sad
2. it will hurt his LD GF and that's not really your concern but there is a girl code... I could not hurt someone like that even if i didn't know them
3. is this something you would be proud to tell your mom, or later on tell your daughters to do this?
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (9 July 2011):
i would say no you are not going to have sex with this man he is using you you want your first time to be special with someone you trust and care about
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): He's clearly not the guy you want to lose your v card to. I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yourself, you seem pretty level headed for your age. He has a girlfriend, and he's asking you, a girl in a completely different stage of life and mentality, for sex. If you were ever to be in a relationship with him, what do you think would stop him from being dishonest to you also? He may seem like a nice guy/good friend or whatever, but I'm 100% positive that's his game plan to get you to have sex with him. Take it from me, I am a 20 year old guy myself. If anyone knew what he was up to he could get in some serious trouble because that's against the law. Respect yourself enough to wait for the right guy, it will be more than worth it.
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A
female
reader, Sexified226 +, writes (9 July 2011):
I think you should just be friends with him don't let him talk you in to it he's probably using you but if you can just be friends and be close for a couple years then you might try it but DON'T do it right away save yourself for the right person I did and I'm only 16 but I've been with him for 2 years and you have to build trust and he's not starting off to hot. Make him wait a LONG time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2011): There are plenty of reasons not to do this.
1. You are 15, and he is 21. It strikes me as strange and makes me uncomfortable that a MAN is interested in a young teenage girl. No doubt in my mind that you are cute, but men should not be sexually interested in 15-year-olds. It's also a crime for him to have sexual contact with you, and he could go to jail for it.
2. He plans to use you for sex. He is begging you to have sex because he feels deprived -- how very selfish of him. There is no doubt in my mind he will use you for sex and never speak to you again. He could also have bad intentions and plan to seriously harm you.
3. You are 15 and a virgin. Do you really want your first experience to be with a man who only cares about you because you possibly give him sexual pleasure? Although casual sex can be fun for some people, it's not the best thing to experience your very first time. Please wait for someone who truly cares about you -- not someone who just tells you they do while asking you for sex. These two things don't go hand-in-hand.
4. Follow your instinct. You said that you felt he had planned to keep from you that he had a girlfriend -- this means he is not honest and trustworthy. Can you truly trust his intentions with you if he has so recently demonstrated that he isn't above keeping the truth from you?
Although you will make your own decisions, please do not have sexual contact -- or any contact at all, really -- with this man.
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