A
female
age
30-35,
*imisoph3
writes:i'm 15 and really pickkyy.i flirt wit guys its no big deal but the minute i find out that they like me in my mind i'm always like (beep beep beep backing up)and i don't know why...i never had a boyfriend i dont want to tell anyone that because they will think something is mentally wrong wit me pleasee hellpp..i know i'm not perfect,so why do i want my future bf to be??----------Mod note: previous post was http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-cant-figure-him-out-i-he-a.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Hi again.It also sounds as though you are being hard on yourself. You worry that you have high standards for the guys that you get to know, but I actually wonder whether you are really setting high standards for yourself. It sounds like you think you need to be perfect in the relationship, and do everything right. Maybe this is why you back away, because you think you will fail to live up to these standards you have set yourself?Nobody is perfect, and everybody makes mistakes. And it is OK to make mistakes and not be perfect! The world won't end or anything! In fact, it is through these experiences that we learn and grow. Perhaps, next time you are interested in a guy, instead of thinking about all of the things that could go wrong, think about the things that could be gained by letting someone get to know you better. If you decide that you really don't like a guy after all, that's fine. But if you think that you do quite like a guy, and the negative thoughts kick in and you start finding faults in him and yourself, try to just stop those thoughts, and tell yourself that if you don't try, you will never know.If things don't work out, then they don't, and that's fine. But at least you will have tried, and you will learn new things from the experience.But please try not to put so much pressure on yourself to have a boyfriend. Be easier on yourself, and when the right time, and the right guy, comes along, I'm sure you will do fine.-Sam x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Ok, I was the first poster-there's nothing wrong with being picky but I think you seem to draw away from intinamcy, commitment and you seem to lack trust. I don't think you are actually finding falws but more like selfimposing them so you can get away.If you are picky because he is a jerk-then that's ok, but if you are picky for risuclous reasons then maybe you should think why.Personally, I think you should just not bother with them unless they are serious or you are sure of you liking them. When you meet someone you really like you will love all their flaws and won't be afraid to try.Continue to flirt building up your confidence with guys, but if you want to stop it, then do. You are in control.Much love izi
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female
reader, mimisoph3 +, writes (11 April 2009):
mimisoph3 is verified as being by the original poster of the question oh my gosh thats exactly how i feel..i feel like i'm not gonna be good enough..and me never having a bf i dont know how to act or wat he wants to expect from me and thats why i'm running away..cuz i wanna seem like i know wat i'm doing but actually i dont..i feel that flirting helps me feel attractive and gets me happy that the guy i like likes me..i feel like my mind and heart are messing wit me..cuz my heart is probably saying go for it..but my mind is picking all the things thats wrong wit the guys and i end up not liking them
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Hi.I have to admit that I have this same problem myself! So you are not the only one who experiences this.I don't know if I am missing the point here, so sorry if I'm getting it wrong, but I was wondering if maybe you are a bit scared of getting involved in a relationship because you feel that you are not going to be good enough? Or are you worried about what the guy will want and expect from you? It sounds as though you would like attention from a guy, and to be in a relationship, but when it seems like it might actually happen, you feel a need to get away. It is as if you are afraid of letting someone get close to you, so I was wondering if there are any fears you have about relationships.Just a few thoughts really, but like I said I am the same, so remember you are not alone!-Sam.
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reader, mimisoph3 +, writes (11 April 2009):
mimisoph3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits cuz i like chasing the guys..like for an example i like flirting wit a guy and getting him to like me but the minute he signals me that he does like me or he talks me my mind really is beepingg and backing up..cuz I'm always pick on little stuff i don't like about him and i let him go.this happens all the time..and i'm just scared that i will come to the point to where i will be single forever and die alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Same-but it's good to have standards so you don't end up going out with some jerk.I'm 17 and still haven't got a bf because I'm picky and because I want my first bf to be someone special. There is nothing mentally wrong with you-I think it's great you're not conforming to the stupid craze of girls who want a bf for status because their bfs are actually very dull and boring!Why do you back away from these guys? Is there a particular reason?(You made me laugh backing up!)Hope that helps or re post and I'll try again!
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