A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 14 and my mom and dad are split up but my mom has a boyfriend and after about 3 months of them going out he started to sleep in our house sometimes, he is nice but at night i cry myself to sleep because i can hear my mom and him moaning and their bed creaking (well its kinda obvious what they are doing!) and i worry about my younger brother hearing it...and when i was 11 i was cleaning the kitchen and i hit off my moms hand bag and a box of condoms fell out.. i was sickened and i didnt even know she was dating someone at the time or anything..am i the only one this is happening to? and should i confront her?.. im afraid it would be awkward between us.
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condom, has a boyfriend, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): Tell her, your mum would be shocked if you told her you can hear them, she probably dosen't think you can. I hear my parents doing it sometimes, It's the most embarssing thing EVER
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 As a divorced mom of two little boys I can answer somewhat from your moms perspective. I understand your moms need for physical intimacy with a man she cares about. You should understand that she is an adult and making adult choises and that she has adult needs that are both physical and emotional. Yes, there is a very strong emotional need that she is addressing by sleeping with this man. However, she should not be having a man spend the night in your home and in her bed unless the two of them are in a very serious relationship. This does not set a good example for you and can be confusing and distressing. I am assuming that you see your father for visitation, and that is when she should be having overnights with her boyfriend. They should not be 'in your face and in your space' so to speak. I hope that you have a good enough relationship with your mom and you can calmly explain to her that this is making you unconfortable. Explain that while you like this guy, and he obviously makes her happy, having him spend the night makes you unconfortable. Only bring up the fact that you can hear them in the other room if you really have to. I am sure she would be mortified to know that! I am lucky that my children (so far! they are 7 and 11) are confortable telling me anything and will tell me if they are unhappy or unconfortable with a situation so that we can work together to make it better. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
I have never been in your situation, but I can understand how you're feeling.
What I recommend is that you write a letter to your mother instead of tell her in person. Maybe something along the lines of:
"Mom,
I don't want to make you feel awkward or guilty, but I have been wanting to tell you that I feel really uneasy and upset about something that's been happening. Recently, I have been hearing some things come from your bedroom when I am trying to go to sleep. I also accidentally knocked your purse on the floor and saw some of your personal items.
I think that the man you're dating is very nice and I really want you to be happy, but I would like to talk with you about the changes that have been going on. Will you please talk with me?
Love,
You"
So basically what the letter states is that you're happy that she's happy, but some things that have happened recently are upsetting you. This way your mom will understand that you know about her bedroom business, so she'll hopefully tone it down, and she can talk with you about what's going on.
The reason I wrote that she should have a talk with you is because it's obvious that just the action of sex that's making you cry, it's worse because it's with someone other than your father. I think this issue should be addressed. And instead of you trying to start the talk with her, which could make you feel weird, it puts the ball in your mom's court - and it does so without sounding angry, without laying a guilt trip on her, etc. It's just straight up "i want to talk."
If she doesn't wish to talk with you about it, then at least the moans will hopefully go away. (I can't imagine she'd *want* you to hear that. It will probably embarass her to know this, but she really should be told that you can hear it. I don't think anyone really wants to hear their parents getting it on.)
Take care.
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (30 August 2007):
 Eugh, I know exactly how you feel. I have had to listen to my mom and my dad do it in the next room with their door wide open. It sickened me too. I also felt outraged at this because they knew I was awake. It something kids should never have to listen to. I once caught my mom and her boyfriend at the time doing it on the kitchen side, when all I wanted was a drink, and it was aparantly my fault, well thats what my mom made out anyway. Which enraged me even more. She didnt care what effect that would have on me. So I know where you're coming from. It is disgusting to listen to. If I ever hear it now, I just put my MP3 player on and listen to that full blast, even though it is unfair because they arent the only people in the house and I have to stay wide awake until they finish. So, I would confront her, you havent done anything wrong here, they should feel embarrassed, and they shouldnt do it while your in the house, never mind you still being awake and listening. Dont worry, you arent the only one, all my friends have to put up with their parents too.
xxxxxxxx Take care.
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