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I'm 13 and really want a baby! I'm depressed!

Tagged as: Family, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 February 2009) 26 Answers - (Newest, 31 January 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hiyyahh

help me

i realy want a baby and i'm 13 all my mates are sick of me twisting about it

i feel depressed because i want one that bad

i crave it ive saved money up and thought it through

the only thing i dont want to tell my perants i know they would stand by me

i am mature as i live around adults and always babysit i dont feel complete!! please help

thank you

xx

View related questions: depressed, money, want a baby

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012):

Wow; i honestly can't even believe I'm reading this..... 13 years old? you are a baby yourself sweetie! you need to get your priorities straight! Go see a therapist, this is something that needs to be brought to the attention of your parents so you can realize THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. regardless of what you want, you can't just think about yourself in this situation, bringing a baby into this world is a big responsiblity that most adults can't even handle themselves, forget about a 13 year old! Join a sport or something. Please forget about this, I'm sure when you are older and the time is right you will be a great mommy... but PLEASE WAIT.

~jay

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011):

Please don't you are too young. It would get you more depressed if you have one. Your only a child yourself. Childhood doesn't last very long and If you have a baby you are really taking away your childhood. Just please don't have one yet. Wait until you are an adult xx

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011):

trust me dont do it yet i know you think you have thought it through but at your age there is alot of chemical reactions that make you depressed and make you think like you said "incomplete".....bottome line is DON'T do it you are going through puberty

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2011):

DO NOT HAVE A BABY! At your age, the last thing you want is a baby. If you had a baby, your education would be ruined, your social life would be ruined, financially you would be ruined and most of all, your baby would be ruined. Having a baby is something that needs to be thought about very thoroughly as an adult, and isn't at all to be thought of as a child. LISTEN! DO NOT HAVE A BABY UNTIL YOU ARE, AT THE VERY LEAST, 17. A baby can so easily RUIN your life.

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A female reader, tomanypeoplehavethenameiwanthere United Kingdom +, writes (2 February 2011):

tomanypeoplehavethenameiwanthere agony auntsimple advice- have your life first

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010):

Ok. Well, listen to my story please. My name is Taylor, I wanted a baby so desperately when I was little. When I just turned 11 (seriously 2 days after my birthday). I started trying. And after 1 year. I conceived my baby boy. Ashton. I am 14 now, and Ashton Michael is now almost 2. October 4th is his birthday.

Stupidly, I still was having sex after I had my son. And, I had a pregnancy scare. Thankfully, I wasn't. I couldn't deal with another baby at 13. (I was 13 at the time)

Me and Ashtons dad have not been together since I was 4 months pregnant. Even though he knew we were actually TRYING for a baby. And promised he would be there. He moved away. Out of Texas with his parents, and changed his number. Me and Ashtons Step dad Louis have been together for 1 year. And he was the one with the pregnancy scare. I am no longer sexually active. And all though I love my son to death, and I wouldn't change my life for anything. I do wish I waited. And, I do wish he could have more in life. But, whats done is done. I went deeper into my story there. And you can message me anytime you like. (:

-Taylor

I started homeschool when I had my baby in 6th grade.

Most of my family stopped talking to me. And I have lost A LOT of friends. My mom and dad divorced after they found out. Money is extremely tight. But, I rarely rely on my mom for help. Since I got pregnant, I have left the house to hang out with friends (without Ashton) twice.

I just found a blogging site. And, just created a username.

You can add me, and you can talk to me on there.

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A female reader, AuntyAnne United Kingdom +, writes (25 February 2010):

Hold on, there's so much info, I need to put it into points:

A) Where's the magical money genie?

B) Where's the dad when he's put into prison?

C) Where's the job?

D) Where's the mother of yours, who may kick you out of the house?

Listen, you CAN'T DO THIS!! Have you even thought of the kid at school in 9-10 years time? Being called poor, for sharing a bed with his mum. Being tormented for having no dad. For eating crap food from ICELAND. For having a mother with so little education, cannot even spell FUTURE correct.

I'd love to see the mental state he's in, when he's being taken away by the CHILD PROTECTION AGENCY.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010):

hunny i no exactly how you feel. i feel the exact same way i want a baby really bad i babysit loads and i get up 2 my lil cuz n help with the night feeds i no everything there is to know. but i dont wanna tlk bout it with my mum becoz she will kik off. you do what feels best to you and your bf xxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009):

Ok, I'm 13 now, I was pregnant when I was 12, we did it ON PURPOSE. I wanted a baby girl to call Amelia. We lost the baby, I'm still getting over it, but it was better than we lost her. Luckily, it was before my parents found out, and they would have made me have an abortion anyway...

I still hate myself for doing to me and my boyfriend (ex now btw...) because I was waaaayyy too young, and my child would not have been a happy one, I might add. When it was 10, I would be 22, that's repulsive! So think, and don't do it, I have much more experience than everyone else here, and they still say the same. Your childhood will be ruined if you do this, and it's extremely costy. Also, you would end up missing out on all the biggest parties, and cinema tickets, and having an average teenage life. Plus, people would think you were common nob, with parents that bring you up to have sex when you feel like it. DO NOT DO THIS!

I should know, I DID IT!

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A female reader, Not My Name Australia +, writes (30 December 2009):

Not My Name agony auntBaby sitting is nothing like having one 24/7/365!

When you cant be bothered at 3 am, you still have to get out of bed and attend to your child and it does not matter that you have done that for the last 200 days and only get to sleep a few hours at a time, ... when you have a headache and want some quiet time, you still have to put yourself aside whilst you console a crying baby, ... when you want a lazy day, you still have to drag your butt out the door and take them to the park, ... when it would be so easy to just turn the TV on and entertain them, you still have to get out the educational resources and take advantage of the little sponges that their brains are whilst young, ... when you just wanna duck to the shops for 5 min, you still have to get them ready, pack em in the car, get em out the car, retrieve 74 items they have pulled of the supermarket shelves, juggle at the register, pack em back in the car, ...need I go on, ... and then you have the shopping tantrums to look fwd to as they age, ... when you wanna duck around a friends house, same deal, except you also need to pack spare clothes, nappies, food and anything else you might need, ...then when you wanna just sit and chat over a coffee to your friend, you instead have to run around their house (possibly non childproofed) and prevent them from breaking anything, getting in to the knife drawer, etc, etc, ...when you wanna go out, you have to organize and probably pay a baby sitter so things become more prohibitively expensive to do - or if you are like me and hate the thought of leaving your child with another, then you just dont go. I have hardly scratched the suface here on how all encompassing a child becomes. It truly is 24/7 unrelenting and must be your number 1 priority at ALL times!

Don't get me wrong, I love my son, wouldn't change a thing, but he is hard work, ... my idea of time out is going to work for a few hours - how warped is that - working is relaxing in comparison lol, ... but I am in my 30's and done a fair bit of living already, ... at your age, you really need to think through the bigger picture of how your life would change and what you will have to miss out on.

Education will be dificult if at all possible, employment will be difficult, socializing will be difficult and prob not within a budet, ... you cant mess your kids head up with men passing by so even dating will be difficult - and that is supposing you don't scare them off by them not wanting to get involved with someone with a child whilst still young themselves.

Do yourself a favour and live a bit, your only a child yourself. Get some life experience and perspective under your belt. Get yourself in a position with education, employment, a contributing partner, etc, so you can give your child the best you possibly can, ... for now tho, Go out and have fun, be a kid, ...there is plenty of time to look after one later.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009):

WAIT!! you're 13!! there's plenty of time. Finish school first, honey. You don't know what you're getting yourself into. Stick to babysitting!!

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A female reader, frenchii United Kingdom +, writes (28 December 2009):

hiya chick,

im 13 aswell and i really want a baby when my little bro was born 4 years ago i really wanted to be his mom and do what my mum was doing, whenever i sleep down my friends im always cuddlin her 2 month old little bro..

what shall i do. have a baby and finish my exams later on in life or finish school got to college and university and forfill my hopes of becoming a midwife? helpp.

anyone who can help email me on [email address blocked].

pleaseee thankyou.xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009):

Even 15 is still way too young!! Do you really want to bring up a child in your parents house? without the father being able to support you both? having a baby will change everything, you can't give the baby back to someone else like you do with baby sitting. Wait another ten years til you're mature enough and financially stable to cope with having a baby. Live your life and have fun.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hiyyahh

is that girl dannielle still on here because she seems like a nice person to talk to of my age

also i want to no weather she is gonna have a baby like she said. please write back dannielle

xx

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A female reader, kitty_3 United States +, writes (28 March 2009):

kitty_3 agony auntUmmm... no. You should wait until at least your 20s when you'll be mature and responsible enough to handle it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hiyahh

i am so glad i have waited my mate has just had a baby she is 16 and says she carnt cope goodness nose what i would have been like but she has postnatale depression dont no why but she thinks everyone is trying to take over shes not the same no more but anyways i have decided to wait till am 15 then have one

x

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A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (27 February 2009):

you know what you shouldn't do things just to please your bf. you are only 13, there are going to be plenty more bf's in the future and they will respect you a hell lot more then your current one!

does he realise the finacial responsibility he would have as a father. not to mention the fact he could land up in jail. you would be so STUPID to go ahead with this STUPID plan. you are only 13 for christ sake! enjoy being a CHILD! that's what you are! A CHILD!

take your head out of the sand and see the reality of it. a baby is not a doll that you can just put to one side when you get bored. you can't have a social life like your friends will have, you won't beable to afford nice things and you will miss out on your education! THINK!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (27 February 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntSee, the problem with that is if he gets you pregnant, that's pretty much proof that he had sex with you. That's illegal at your age. So then he'd be likely to get in some major legal trouble and wind up on the sex offenders registry. Honey, some boys think making a girl pregnant makes them look really manly. Trust me, a real man wouldn't make a 13 year old girl have a baby just so they can look studly. And getting him to help with the baby? I don't think babies fit really well into school, and sport, and hanging out with their mates. No, babies are hard work and aren't much fun for a long time.

You don't want to limit your future because he's rather selfish. Your parents will think that's very selfish of you, to expect them to take care of the baby and pay for things.

Tell him no, and if he leaves you, then he never loved you. He was just using you.

Take care.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i decided to wait but my bf wants one so i dont want to loose him over it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 12 years old and i'm dieing to have a little baby. I picked out 3 names that i would called him if it was a boy and 2 if it was a girl. I don't think I'm to young but I just googled it before I found this and it said that it's not even legal in some states in the U.S for 12 year old girls to babysit. (doesn't affect me though because I live in England)But that's not the point. I think that every girl in the world goes through this they just don't want to talk about it, [except for my friend Zara who never wants to get married or have kids¬.¬]

I don't have a boyfriend right now so there's no chance of me getting pregnant:(

I even considered having a baby with a teacher :L:L:L:L

But when the right guy comes along for me, that will be it.

I know that it wasn't much help but I hope that it made you feel a bit better :)

All the best

Danielle x

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A female reader, i_love_J United States +, writes (19 February 2009):

i_love_J agony auntHey I know how you feel I know you will do what ever you want no matter what any one here says. But people our age cannot use the rationalizing area of the brain like adults can. It doesn't matter how mature you feel. Being a parent is a full time job, if you wanted a baby you would have to drop out of school to take care of it. If you dropped out of school do you think you would be able to give the baby a good life, the life it deserved? And boys will say that they love you but what if you end up pregnant and the boy leaves? I'm sure your parents probably do not want to raise another child. But I do know how you feel sometimes that's all I can think about but then I realize that I have to fufill that want by getting a good education and making a life for myself before I could even think about taking the responsabillity of another human life. Even though you feel that you have thought it through like I said the rationalizing area of your brain hasn't fully developed. Please don't have a child enjoy being a child yourself. Join a club or go out with friends go see some movies but please do not have a child

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A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2009):

you need to stop thinking about babies and enjoy being a CHILD!

children shouldn't have children! wait untill you are alot older and in a stable relationship and have a good job. you may have said you have saved some money, but that won't support a child or yourself. at 13 you can't even be responsible for yourself, let alone a little baby. stick to dolls!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (19 February 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntIf you say that you need a baby to feel complete, then you aren't really wanting to be a mother, you want something that will love you back unconditionally. I know that you are feeling this very deeply and I know that it matters a lot to you right now. I just want to point something out, please understand that I'm trying to help you think things through all the way.

Okay, what you're suggesting is actually very selfish of you. Having the baby is all about you, not about raising a child. If you do go ahead and have a baby, it will be starting off at a disadvantage right away; it's mother won't have finished her schooling and she will not be qualified for anything but the most menial (and therefore low-paying) jobs.

If you have this baby, it will fall to your parents to help you raise. Has it ever occurred to you that they might want some time off from childcare? That they deserve to decide how they spend their own time and their own money? That your having this baby will strain them in ways you haven't even considered?

I'm not saying that your parents wouldn't stand by you, it's just that they would be so disappointed and hurt that you wouldn't take their future and their wishes and their money and their well-being into consideration. They would be sad knowing that their little girl has just eliminated 90% of the possible options for her future all by having an emptiness inside her.

That child will need clothes, food, diapers, prams, all kinds of things. How much money have you saved?

I think the sensible thing to do is figure out why you feel depressed and incomplete. That might be something you should discuss with your GP or a teacher or your parents, best of all. Once you figure that out, then you can make good decisions for yourself.

Take care.

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A male reader, The Gentle Man United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2009):

The Gentle Man agony auntYou are way too young to have a baby. You cannot even begin to imagine the work that is involved.

It sounds to me like puberty is the key factor here with all those hormones kicking in.

Think of all the hardship you would put your family through if you got pregnant. You cannot look after a baby full time with no help. You will force your parents into the situation of supporting another child.

Not to mention all the legal problems that getting pregnant at 13 will cause. With the rescent scandal about the 13 year old dad, you can be sure that Social Services will be involved. Also the police would need to get involved.

Have you also thought of how much money having and raising a child costs ?

I can tell you that it runs into thousands of pounds a year. Your parents will stand by you, but its not by choice. You force them to abandon you or live with it which is not a nice thing to do. The financial burden on your parents will increase as they will need to support 2 children instead of the 1. You cannot make enough money to support a baby because you cannot even work yet and get a wage.

Im not trying to be harsh here, but this is the truth straight up.

I understand that this might be hard to accept, but you just arent old enough or mature enough to begin to understand the impact that getting pregnant at 13 can have.

I could mention 25 things that are important that you havent thought about.

You just need to find some activity to keep your mind off it. You will find over the next couple of years you will be thankful you never got pregnant.

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A female reader, xXxkinki_katiexXx United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2009):

xXxkinki_katiexXx agony auntWel first of all you say your 13 and want a kid??

Your only a kidd yourself!!

And a kidd bringing up a kidd aint gona work,,

You need education, a job, and a better age,,

Young mums are often doing ok-ish,,

If you want to ruin your life then go ahead!!

But any one with common sense would wait!!

:] xXx

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A female reader, a.danica United Kingdom +, writes (19 February 2009):

You dont want a child you are only half way few education.

Even if you saved money, you will still need a job and with no proper grades how would you expect to do this?

ive hada abortion once n i really want anuva child. I am only 16 myself and live in UK. The difference between me and you is that im finishing all my GCSE's etc this year. but it still doesnt give me an advantage as i still need further education as my a levels and go to uni to get a good job.

Well that was my personal opinion but if you want to do it then go ahead and follow your heart. Forget what everyone else thinks its up tew u babsz

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