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anonymous
writes: Im 13 and I hate my family so much.Everyone else my age really likes their family but I hate mine.I can't stand to be in the same room as them!When Im watching telly and a family member comes in I just get up and watch telly in the kitchen.I hate being on holidays with them,I clear out of the house as much as possible and hate going to resteraunts with them and being down town with them!Is it natural to feel this way?
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (2 July 2006):
 You're wrong when you say "everybody else your age" likes their family. In truth, almost nobody at age 13 likes their family. So the short answer to your question is, Yes. Normal.The reason you suddenly feels that they're so stupid and oafish is that at about 13, (when puberty hits most people) you start to become really self-conscious. That's why clothes and peers and what other people think become so important, when they weren't a year or so ago. And because you're so aware of how everything "looks", you see your family through a mental lens that amplifies all the little stupid things that people do. So when they're laughing and having fun, it looks like they're laughing too loud about ridiculous things. When they're arguing in public, it seems like the Whole World is watching everything going on and blaming You for being related to them.When they have bad habits, like smoking or swearing, or wearing unfashionable clothes, you automatically see it as a reflection on you.But here's where you have to take a deep breath and let it go, because people *aren't* really looking at you. It's only a stage that young people go through for a couple of years, and when that stage is over, you realise that you were over-reacting.So cut your family some slack. Sure, they probably *are* a bit silly and stupid sometimes, but nobody out here is blaming you for that, so let them be silly and stupid, the same as they were last year and the year before that (but you didn't notice).One last thought: at this time in your life, the disagreements that you have with parents and siblings tend to get blown out of all proportion for the same reason. (Teen hormones exacerbate the problem, too.) Remember that your family aren't substantially different from the parents and siblings you had when you were ten. The only thing that's changed in the last three years is YOU. So it's not that they're terrible; it's just that you're super-sensitive to it. Try to be patient with it, and remember that no one outside your family is worried about how they act.
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reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (1 July 2006):
 Hey,
I used to feel the exact same way. Still do sometimes. I think you just want to be you - the person you are and the way you want to be and you feel that maybe your fsmily are leaving you out? Maybe you just wish they were different? Maybe you just wish you thought they were kwl!?
I remember being really wound up by my family making me do, as I called the, "Dorky family activities" but you have to remember - your family always have your best interests at heart. Just take a deep breath - count to ten and try to think why you are hating them everytime they walk into the same room as you!
Hope this helped,
Phoebe
xxx
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 July 2006):
 Well they do say you can choose your friends and not your family! You are at an age where you are developing some personal independence and sometimes that can cause tension if parents disagree and try to impose rules or control situations. However, you are dependent on your family for many years yet so you should try to be at least respectful towards them even if you don't like them - they are your family at the end of the day, and the only family you have! You may feel differently about them when you are older - after I moved out at 18 I did have a better relationship with my mother as we had our own space and weren't at each others throats all the time.
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