A
female
age
36-40,
*ellasmommy
writes:My boyfriend would rather jack off than have sex with me. We very rarely have sex! seriously it sucks. I will ask him to have sex and he will say hes too "tired", or ill even get on top of him and try to get things going and it wont work! then ill wake up and find out he's secretly looking at porn and masturbating! its kind of upsetting because im RIGHT THERE! i dont know what i can do to make him wanna have sex with me.. maybe im not sexy enough.. i mean he has been kinda tellin me to loose weight, but other guys i talk to always say how good i look.. its just confusing.. i dont know if he wants me to look like a damn pornstar... lord knows that aint gonna happen!!! let me know what i can do to make him want to have sex with me and not jack to porn!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): in one way its good to know its not just me and mine that are going thru this i really thought we were the only ones, im sorry for all of you who have replied having had or are having personal experience of this, i too thought the problem lay with me that i wasnt sexy enough or maybe i was too fat too ugly did i smell ? ? ? the questions about me were never ending but then i realised the entire problem lies with him and not me, we have been without sex for almost 3 years now and he pays for the porn channel approx 5 nights per week in order to satisfy himself and also has it on his fone and of course online, it disgusts me makes my skin crawl and i feel the only thing missing is the rain mac, my feelings towards my partner have gone from understanding and sympathy to complete and utter loathing, i feel he has a dark side that i know nothing of or would ever want to, when the volume on the tv drops after i have gone to bed i want to put a bomb under the house that it how bad i feel now, my advice . . . . get out now before it gets you like this we are only together now for financial reasons and as soon as we have enough money to seperate we will, i will go on to have a healthy loving and sexual relationship i am truly confident of that, and he will grow old and lonely because he will not get help for his problem and there isnt a woman alive will tolerate it, it eats away at me daily but i will not let it affect my future he has had my past and temporarily my present but that is where it ends. walk away from these men they are not worthy of us they are complete low lifes. good luck honey i wish you well :-) stay safe and stay strong xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): i also share this problem. before this began i thought i would be with this man forever,and now with the exception of my beautiful daughter,i would give anything to have never met him. i have been in many diffrent relationships,with all diffrent kinds of men in my 32 years of life,and i have never been made to feel so ulgly,unwanted,disregarded,or so uttrtly betrayed.not only am i no longer intrested in trying to "satisfy" my husband or be the "woman he wants" i find i have a hard time even looking him in the eyes anymore.to be guite honest,after i asked him to PLEASE STOP looking at internet porn because it was hurtful and just made me feel bad about US,he said he would stop and appologised.as of the very nexed day he was back online,(PORN),erasing his tracks(deleting the websites that he visits while i am sleeping)and point blank lying to me about it.weather he understands this or not my husbands use of internet porn has ruined my marriage.i no longer want to be with the man i am married to because i feel like he "goes"out and "cheats"on me with the internet every night. if i could afford to leave him now i would be packing me and my kids up instead of writing this memo.
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A
female
reader, yellowdancer  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 hi i can relate to what your saying and god i feel it for you im going through the same at moment but all i can say is dump him are you truely happy the way things are i aint he stripping me of all my confidence when it comes to sex etc and i bet yu feel that way too you have to remember you dont have the problem he has and if you have did what i have and begged him to stop the porn or just watch it together make you feel like a real woman and he hasnt did anything about it then he dosnt deserve you i dumped him 3 hours ago and already i feel sexier lol and im looking forward to finding a normal relationship keep me posted and remember its not you its him with the problem xx
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (28 July 2008):
 np just wondered, then maybe he is addicted to porn then or maybe your weight is a serious issue for him.. its his problem not you..but if you want to solve this then maybe see about getting active go to gym see if that helps or straight out ask him hey i see you watch porn yet you refuse with me whats going on ? aphex good luck with your choice xx
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A
female
reader, bellasmommy +, writes (28 July 2008):
bellasmommy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all for your help.. and i just wanna say to comment number 2, when we do have s=sex he doesnt have a hard time getting hard at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): He could also have a serious problem called porn addiction...it is afflicting way too many men these days, there is a support board for it, both women who's partners are affecting and men struggling to get over it...npsupport.net You will find it's NOT you, he has a problem.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (27 July 2008):
he maybe having a hard time getting an erection and is able to do it with porn because he likes it or pretends your in it and hes doing it to you..their is obviously a problem and if you cant talk it out of him then i dont know if you will be able to move on from this..you need to get him to open up or its pointless.. thats my opinion aphex xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2008): I have lived this from both sides. A past partner kept telling me that I had put weight on and went off sex. I ignored him because I thought it was damn cheeky of him to point it out and because others said I didn't need to. I had let myself go and ignoring it only made the situation worse. It was only when I was taking better pride in myself that he was interested again. I stopped slobbing about and went out and got myself a life, got back to my original weight and was much happier in myself, he sat up and started to take note.I have also been on the other side, completly off sex with my partner but still feeling sexual. This was relationship issues that were causing the rift. We were arguing a lot and it was hard for me to go from hating him to wanting to have sex with him, issues were still swirling in my mind as we were kissing and I couldn'tfocus on it, I used to physical recoil when he tried anything. Take a look at your situation, is it a fair comment that you have put weight on, are you happy with the way you look youself, could you have let yourself go? If you are taking pride in the way you look and feel happy in yourself then this shouldn't be a concern for you. If you happy in yourself, don't change for someone else.Could there be any other issues, could he be stressed or unhappy with himself? If things are not going great in the relationship or he is stressed with other issues, it is difficult to be focused on sex with someone else when you are stressed and masturbation could just be a release as opposed to something that he really prefers doing. Theres no emotion involved, no consideration for anyone else, no effort, its just an easy release.
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