A
female
age
30-35,
*ellis
writes:Hey y'allTo start off, I've started seeing this guy recently. He's older than me by 5 years, but our personalities seem to really suit one another, which is why I think we really hit off so far.So, we've talking for 2 weeks now. We've gone out about 3 times so far and I've meant his parents (mainly cause he's still living at home currently). It's been going great so far, but here's the catch.After the second date, I went back to his place to watch a movie. I was surprised that he actually made a move to have sex so early into knowing one another, but I just shook it off and hinted to him it wasn't the right time.So here comes the third time seeing him, and he again attempts to have sex. That's when I confronted him saying it was way too soon and I still wanted to get to know him more. What I want to know is when is it the right time to have sex with someone you've just started seeing? It's not that I didn't want to engage in it because I did, I just know it wouldn't be the greatest if we actually wanted to build a relationship in the future.And I had another quick question to add that may seem silly to ask, but what does it mean when a guy doesn't kiss with his tongue?Thank you for reading and for any input you may have!X Bellis
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 March 2013):
 The right time to have sex is when you are both ready. Clearly you are not ready and he is (not a good sign)
IF you really like him, stop putting yourself in situations where you could have sex or have to fight him off…. MAKE HIM TAKE YOU OUT…
As for not kissing with tongues.. my current husband would not kiss me with his tongue until he was ready to have sex. Some men just don’t know how or don’t like to… it may mean nothing other than he’s a lousy kisser.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): If you went back to his he probably thought you were interested in more than watching a movie with him. I don't usually go back to a guys place when I'm not intending to sleep with him because they do sometimes get the wrong impression. There is nothing wrong with him trying it early on. It's natural that he likes you and is attracted to you so thought it was worth a shot. Just in the same way you have every right to say no. I think the other posters are being a bit harsh in suggesting that is all he wants from you because that's not necessarily the case. So far he has been happy to wait and has continued to take you out which is a good thing. If he starts pressuring you or stops calling then you have cause for concern, but not yet.Keep waiting until you are ready to sleep with him. It will be easy to tell if he is only after sex as he will disappear quite quickly.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 March 2013):
 well the typical answer would be to say that the best time is when it feels right to both of you. but lets be honest, we both know that if a guy gets you in bed right off the bat, you can pretty much kiss a relationship goodbye.
you definitely did the right thing. if you're interested in a relationship with him, don't sleep with him until you're secure and have been together for a while.
you've already told him you're not looking for sex until further on down the line. so if he respects you, he won't push or try again. if he disappears now that you've told him that, you'll know he was only in it for sex.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 March 2013):
I definitely don't agree with waiting "a minimum of three months". Telling someone to wait a specific amount of time based on your preference is self centered.
My wife waited less than two weeks. That's the same for just about everyone I've ever been with. So, while waiting may be a big deal to some, it's not to all, so again, do what feels right for you.
That being said a one night stand is probably not a good idea but you already knew that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): Rules so you don't ever get used and hurt by men who tell you wonderful things, sleep with you and then dump you.1. Wait to have sex until you are officially boyfriend-girlfriend.2. Wait till you have the conversation that you two are exclusive and monogamous.3. Wait till he tells you he loves you.4. Date exclusively at least 3 months (not a texting relationship nor long distance relationship, but one where you actually talk daily and go on dates weekly).Meet all this criteria and the chances of being hurt and used are lower than if you have sex with him now or the near future. He seems very sex oriented so I'd be weary that this is all he wants. Better to be extra conservative and cautious. Make sure all 4 criteria are met before you have sex. If he dumps you before then or simply disappears, then you know he really wasn't into you and you would have ended up hurt had you slept with him.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (26 March 2013):
If you are looking for a guy for the long run, then a minimum of three months is a good way to go. You should be able to learn about enough things by then.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 March 2013):
For some people its within 10 minutes of meeting, for others it can be 10 months. Wait until you feel comfortable and ask him to be patient and tell him good things are worth waiting for.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): I don't know what it means if the guy doesn't kiss with his tongue. Usually I think of tongue kissing as more forceful but that doesn't exactly make sense in this situation. Make sure he's taking you out and not just using you for sex. I think you should be in a long term, committed relationship to have sex. I'm your same age and quite familiar with the "let's go to my place and watch a movie"...typical move to get some unfortunately. Make this guy wait it out ad sweat for it!! That'll help to see if he's in it for the long haul. You deserve it! Good luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): This man wanted to jump you as soon as he could based on your description. Are you happy to be hounded and not romanced? Think carefully on this one.
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