A
male
age
30-35,
*ijDi
writes:Right so. My bisexual girlfriend and her ex-girlfriend broke up about a year ago. Her ex did something very intruding and my girlfriend was left with no choice really.Anyway, a few months later my girlfriend and I started going out. We're both in love, she tells me this is the first time for her, and although I've had relationships before, I haven't felt like this about somebody.The only issue is my girlfriend's ex. She's quite.. well, dim, and slow. She isn't very good at disguising the fact that she still feels strongly for my girlfriend. It became quite awkward. They live about 20 miles apart - her ex can't drive and so has catch the bus everywhere. I receive text messages every few weeks from my girlfriend saying 'My ex has turned up at my door' - due to the distance and money involved, she can't really turn her ex away.Indeed, this has even happened when I've been at my girlfriend's - in fact, once we were even about to go upstairs (which was obviously frustrating). She kept telling stories of her Nan's ill health, and then visited when her Nan died - hard not to be sympathetic.During this time, her ex managed to get through two boyfriends (both of which she fell in love with in a week, according to her Facebook...) but still fails to disguise the fact she feels like she loves MY girlfriend. I moved house, a bit further away from my girlfriend, recently, and so I don't get to see her as often. I spoke to her about her ex, and she apparently had a word with her, telling her it's not a good idea to come visiting on a whim - the distance, money etc involved had become irritating.Next.. about a month ago, her ex wrote her a letter explaining that she loved her etc etc etc - the first direct confirmation. My girlfriend apparently wrote back saying 'no, etc, i'm with my boyfriend now'. I found this really disrespectful etc.Now, apparently in the space of that month, she has another boyfriend, and so is, according to my girlfriend "over it". Which clearly isn't true..They met up last week to exchange Christmas gifts. My girlfriend was due to attend a family pub opening on the evening that I couldn't make, and so had nobody to go with (apart from her family....) She said "I might ask (my ex)".. and I said "Really? I don't think that's a good idea" and I tried not to be forceful about it. I think in the end, she gave in to me out of guilt. I don't think it's a great idea to exclusively invite your not-over-you-ex to such a gathering.Since then I've seen her ex post on her Facebook wall asking to pop her 'presents in on Thursday' as well as giving presents to her sister, brother and parents.. which makes me look terrible, me and my girlfriend aren't buying for each other this year, but her ex is sure nurturing my girlfriend's family...On top of this, my girlfriend has a lesbian admirer who she has never been interested in. This girl ceased sending my girlfriend extravagant, expensive gifts some time ago, but has continued to ignore me, and act awkward around me, making it awkward for my girlfriend, who barely said anything.They recently fell out over this (it took a whole 9 months of me and my girlfriend being together before she tried any action whatsoever), but my girlfriend has since just 'forgiven her'.I keep asking why she puts up with this girl, and her ex. And she says "because they're my friends".My response here has been "I don't think they're your friends. They've not been good enough, not respected your boundaries, not respected that you have me in your life. They need to deal with it and you don't help by communicating with them so often - it's like 'a taste of honey'. Temptation, and they won't get over it that way" (that's not a direct quote). Her response is "let me deal with my friends in my own way!". My only issue being is that she doesn't deal with them, and it affects me...I'm also disturbed by a male friend of hers who she's known for 6 years and apparently they know each other and "understand each other" according to my girlfriend. They barely see each other, but he tried to kiss her too - and yet nothing seems to have changed. She gave him a very quick scolding and it's as though that's that. She won't make people respect her boundaries. She's had a few people ("her friends") grope her, send pictures of their ***** to her, and yet she's still there "as a friend" to them - it doesn't condition them into learning that they can't do that and she won't deal with it.It's really getting a bit much for me, on top of the fact that she barely seems to have any time for me any more.Any advice? Am I in the wrong? Should my girlfriend be doing more?The first issue in a nutshell is - "I think if your ex is gonna send you letters saying they love you it's probably best to stay away for a while" - what do you think about that?
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broke up, christmas, ex girlfriend, facebook, fell in love, her ex, lesbian, money, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): The Problem is that the GF is treating the EX like a friend when there should be no contact for 6 months. Also the whole BS story of the EX travelling that far is the EXs fault and should not be let in AT ALL. Then she learns she is on her own and will not travel that far.
She's like a stray cat that keeps coming around because everyone is giving her attention, feeding her, even petting her.
You want the stray cat to bugger off- then you stop feeding it and being nice to it! It will eventually get the message and MOVE ON.
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