A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im 24yo Irish lesbian and until last year i owned my own hairdressing and beauty salon and had everything i ever wanted.Then it all went wrong i was losing money and struggling to pay my bills,i met this woman online from London ,she was a lot older than me but really gorgeous and full of wit and style.We really clicked and started to get serious and i fell in love with her, i had told her of my problems and she said she would help as she was well off and owned quite a few businesses.She offered to buy me to keep the salon going.I agreed and this is where it all went wrong ,she made it clear that business and our relationship where not to mix,i had no problem with that but soon did, in the space of 3 months i went from lead beautician to the girl who makes the tea and sweeps up. she promoted girls over me while demoting myself,makes me pay rent to stay in our flat ,and has dropped my wages as iv gone down the ranks when she came to work she would order me around in front of everyone and can be very demeaning and abusive when she feels the need.When i complain in private she always cuts me off reminding me business and love are separate, plus she is bleeding me dry, when we go out im expected to pay for everything as she tells me she gave me my money to save me so its the least i can do to pay my way .I know i wont have any money left soon the way things are going and am terrified to tell my parents im losing everything especially as they helped me start up in the first place.The funny thing is the business is going great now which she delights in telling me letting me know how much better she is at making money , i know she is making moves to sell up and make a nice profit , iv asked what will happen to me then and she laughs saying dont worry ,we will go back to London and you can be personal assitant or maybe house maid as she smirks at me.I love her but sometimes cant handle how im treated and cant help fearing for the future, if i leave her i walk away with nothing ,if i stay i know i can expect more humiliation and god knows what as she loves the control she has over me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): wake up darling, you already have nothing. This lady (for want of a btter word) is treating you like a bloody idiot. Get rid of her babe, cut your losses and remember what went wrong with your business. Next time you start again without her and when/if troubles come again go back ti your parents for help and advice.
Good luck babe. Just for the record not all of us london lesbians are hard cows.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): I am so sorry to hear the situation you are in. You put a lot of trust in this woman, and she has abused that.
It sounds like you already know this situation is no good for you. You have already tried to tell her how you feel...but from what I'm hearing, she doesn't seem to care. I think she is being incredibly cruel to you. Again, I am sorry this is hurting.
You mentioned your parents. Is there any possibility you could go to them for help? You say that if you walk away, you will have nothing. Well, I don't think that is true. I think that if you stay in the situation, you will eventually end up with nothing, because this woman will continue to strip away your confidence, self-esteem and dignity. But you can get out while you still have some of that left.
Even if what you say is true, and you will have nothing compared to what you did have, it is not the end. Rather, you can choose to look at it as a new beginning. It seems scary, I know, the idea of starting again from scratch. But it can be exciting too. You can do anything you want, although it may be a lot of hard work at first.
That is why I asked about your parents. I'm sure they wouldn't be angry or disappointed or anything like that. They will probably just want to help you. If they knew what was going on right now, do you think they would rather you stay in the situation and continue to struggle? I'm sure they would rather you went to them for help, if that is a possibility for you.
This all must be really scary for you. But I think once you make a first step forward, however small...it will give you the strength to carry on forward.
If you do decide to stay with this woman though, then would it be possible for you to get some support from other people, rather than just depending on her? Any other friends who could help you? Maybe even some professional advice, to help you to cope.
I really hope things work out for you, and I believe you can make it work, whatever you decide to do. x
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