A
female
age
30-35,
*iss sunshine
writes:Hi, I'm 20 years old and my boyfriend 21. Its been 1 year and a half we are together but more and more we experience problems and more often we fight. Even if i know it might be early i always keep thinking of the future and imagining my life with him. We both talk sometimes for our future and want to get married and have a family together. But more i stay with him more i think if he is the right choice. I love him very much and i would die if i lose him. What really bothers me with him is his "obsession" with money. He really feels he has to save money and save and save and he is really tight. On the other hand im the type of girl i want to live my life. I want to travel a lot, do things, go to restaurants. Im not a silly shopaholic, not at all. But when i tell him "whould you like it if we go to italy for some days to visit?" he says its a lot of money and we are students so we have to save and we cant and stuff. And always says that i spend a lot. He never never pays for me. He never took me out on a restaurant and some time ago when he was running low because he didnt have a job i was paying everything for him. Food, rent, even clothes, restaurants and cinema. Now that he is working he doesnt do any of the stuff i did. I dont want him to buy me jimmy choo and prada. I just want a boyfriend that one time will say "to hell with it lets go next month for a weekend somewhere." And sometimes i think he doesnt care for me. We both live in france and im greek. So for xmas i wanted to go to greece with him. He keeps saying he doesnt know if he can make it because he doesnt know if he ll have the money even if he has 3 months to save to come with me for holidays and has a job right now. We had a huge fight because i told him i cant have holidays without him, and that id like him to come. I mean if he really cares about me and wants to be with me for xmas wouldnt he do anything to come? He is not poor. We both work half-time to live and i too experience money problems but at least i want to be with him for xmas! I love him so much but really i dont want to marry a guy that wont take care of me and do stuff with me. But i love him so much. I dont know what to do.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (1 October 2009):
 I certainly expect my boyfriends to take me out every now and then, but I would not put my relationship on the line for frivolous trips, etc... and I am not a student. I date full-timed employed men.
You sound as though you are often asking about weekends away, trips to Italy, etc. If you reduce your requests to when it is really important, he may be more inclined to say "yes", knowing THIS time it's really important to you (he could think, 'she hardly ever asks,' for example).
He doesn't want to go to Greece for Christmas. Stop arguing about it and file it away as information for the future. Monetary compatibility is an important factor when thinking of marriage. You need to have the same life goals, but that also includes agreeing about the best path to take to get there.
You're young. Enjoy what you enjoy about him and make decisions about marriage and children when you come to that time.
Good luck.
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