A
female
age
41-50,
*ambi1980
writes:I don't know whether I'm wasting my time with a guy I met a month ago but I can't seem to find the strength to walk away. The whole situation is making me feel down. I split up with my ex in July and met this guy about a month ago, him and my ex do know each other. It started off texting and chattin on facebook then I snogged him one night in our local pub but we both went home separately. Someone in the pub told my ex who wasn't best pleased. The week after I saw himin the same pub and at the end of the night we went home to mine. We didn't have sex but slept in the same bed and were intimate in other ways. The thing is that he has only been round to my house once during the week and we watched a film. It was like being with a friend though. He annoys me coz he doesn't ask me anything about my life, what I do or what I've done. He doesn't ring me either. We just end up in the same pub on a Saturday night after we've both been out separately with our mates, he comes to mine stops over then goes home next day. I feel so empty then coz he doesn't even ask me out on a date or say when am I gonna see you again. If he is just using me why does he text me every day and why come over that night and not even try anything on. He just seems more interested in going out with his mates, he's 33 and not had many girlfriends. He said the one he got closest to hurt him. I keep having it out with him (usually when drunk) and he says he likes me but wants to take it slow. Maybe I'm trying to rush things too much but I want a guy who is interested in my life and compliments me. I just don't know whether to call it a day or carry on but it's really getting me down.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): He obviously likes to think you're available for sex, with not too much effort on his part - i.e., you meet at the pub; he goes home with you, and ------
He doesn't even bother to phone you sometimes, ask about your life and activities, let alone take you to a nice restaurant for dinner, or lunch, buy you flowers, or wine -all of which a man will do when he wants to seduce a woman.
I hasten to add men don't ONLY do that when they're trying to get her into bed: they might have a very good relationship and flowers, wine, nice dinner out, etc., are often the way to show he cares about her.
But, men do like the thrill of the chase. If you make it too easy for them, they tend to lose interest. After all, he's gotten what he wants for practically nothing. Why should he bother? Eventually they get bored, and look around for someone else.......
Have you tried talking with him when you're NOT drunk?
I'm not saying he is necessarily taking advantage of you - well, not a lot. He has said he wants to take it slow, so why don't you try being unavailable for a few weeks? How about not going to the pub next Saturday? See what happens after a few weeks of you being busy with other things (no need to be too specific about what you're busy with; you just are.)
If he does like you for yourself, this should wake him up and maybe he'll start taking more of an interest.......and even then, I'd still recommend you be a bit less willing to accommodate him........
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