A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I had a relationship with a guy over 25 years ago. He was very special to me and my first love. We split up and bearly saw each other until a couple of months ago.We went out for dinner and the chemistry between us was very intense. We talked about everything and the problems that caused the split. We both were to blame as we both wanted different things.I have again met with him and the attraction after all these years is still there and it was extremely obvious.My question, I want him to know that I will consider reconciling the relationship. However he keeps saying that he does not want to marry as he feels it will affect his sex life. I cant be a friend with benefits. I am getting on and have never married and would like to. I have 3 children and do not want any more. He has none.I have been light since the meet up and have not bombarded him with calls or messages, neither has he. He likes talking on the phone but I dont so we just send each other messages every so often. I want him to do the chasing if he's interested. Am I doing this right as I did it wrong first time.
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friend with benefits, sex life, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 November 2015):
 You want to get married. He doesn't. You don't want to be FWB. He is so concerned about his sex life that he doesn't want to get married.
Expecting him to change is about as realistic as expecting you to change. You are on different paths in life, you met up a while ago and re-met recently, but only for a little while. I'd wish him well and not wait around for him to change his mind.
I think you'd benefit from this book: A Fine Romance, by Judith Sills. It might help you understand how to manage your next relationship.
You and this blast from the past aren't aiming at the same future. Your task is to find a man who wants the same things that you do. Having children might be an obstacle for some but if you connect with a man who also has children, who has some practice at being a father, well, I think you'd have a better shot at that.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 November 2015):
 He's a determined bachelor and it sounds like you two still want different things. He prioritizes sex life over everything else. He does not want anything to do with your children, your in laws, or anything that disrupts his freedom. Ironically men like that often had women throwing themselves at them. Which allows them to live the stringless lifestyle. He never had to chase. Even if you give him one, he's not going to. When women take the time and withhold sex, they will screen out men who only want sex. But that doesn't mean they will fall in love with you. They have to like the reward at the end. It's like dangling a carrot in front of him so he follows you to a place where he doesn't like. He already knows where that destination is so he will just give up and look for free carrots.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (18 November 2015):
 Hi
What did you do wrong the first time?
He doesn't want to get married. He's made it clear he wants to have sex in the future with other women besides you.
Why are you bothering? You've got a strong chemistry but nothing else on his side.
Are you going to settle?
Don't chase him whatever you do. If you do all the running he will have no respect for you x
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