A
female
age
,
*gahina
writes:my husband has passed away leaving me in terrible mess he never told me he loved towards the end even though i let him no i loved him he never said anything i wrote him a letter asking him to clear every thing up between him an i before he died but to no avail he passed away of cancer 13th feb 09 Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): 39 years is a long long time to spend wih one person.one thing that is troubling you is this "encounter" with your friend. this woman told your hb that she was in love with him and later you found out that he had been in contact with her. i think this is the immense pain you are now feeling. a sense of his betrayal. maybe you should still distance yourself from this so called friend who did not value your marriage. this friend betrayed you too so maybe all contact with her should be eliminated. morun for this man but in the end, you have to move on. slowly you will heal and slowly i pray that you open your heart to loving again. whether he stayed because he was scared or not, doesn't matter now. his death ended whatever he may have been contemplating. but one thing you need to do- stop any contact with this so called friend. i think you have been hurt too much already. so don't cause unnecessary pain for yourself. talk to your kids about how you feel. cry if you need to. but remember you are alive. you sill have so much to do on this earth. and slowly after you mourn your husbands death, then you need to make peace with all his wrongdoings and move on. good luck.
A
female
reader, ngahina +, writes (8 July 2009):
ngahina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim having counselling nw and its helping a lot so hopefully it wont take me long to get over it alot of anger is coming thru and im blaming my family instead of myself i let him beat me up muck around on me all those stupid things cos he threaten me to much in the end i was a dormatand battered wife
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A
female
reader, ngahina +, writes (8 July 2009):
ngahina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim having counselling nw and its helping a lot so hopefully it wont take me long to get over it alot of anger is coming thru and im blaming my family instead of myself i let him beat me up muck around on me all those stupid things cos he threaten me to much in the end i was a dormatand battered wife
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A
female
reader, ngahina +, writes (7 July 2009):
ngahina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanxs for ur advice it seems the right thing to do is like u said focus on the good times an remember how we were happy all those yrs ago build a bridge an gt over it
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A
female
reader, ngahina +, writes (7 July 2009):
ngahina is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes u were right we been together 4 39 yrs and life just passed us by without a doubt in the world till our friend fell in love with him and decided to tell him new years eve while we were on holiday that she loved him thats when evry thing changed some how or another i had feeling he felt the same about her but he wouldnt tell even when i asked him he was in denial till the bitter end i approaced her she denied it when he died i found out he had rung her several times so what did that mean i gave him the chance to go to her but i think he was to scared to hurt me an our family an grand children gutless wander
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (6 July 2009):
 im so sorry to hear this.
even tho he never told u he loved u, did u feel love from him?
sometimes some people find it hard to open up with their real feelings towards others.
u wrote him a letter so he knew ur feelings before he died this is a good thing.
im sorry to hear ur in terrible mess, but remember the good times and remmeber he knew u loved him, and thats the greatest gift u gave him is your love.
u were a good wife, u supported him, remmeber that and surround urself with other people u love and dont blame yourself.
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A
female
reader, Pandora Sorrows +, writes (6 July 2009):
 Best thing to do now is move on. You will only know if he loved you, and the words I Love You aren't enough sometimes. However you haven't stated how it seemed like your marriage broke down, so I can't really be speicfic. But remember and gestures he did, how he treated you etc. Cause you don't have to say I love you, to show that you love someone.
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