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female
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*ss
writes: hi,i have been seeing a guy for ten months now and it is not really a serious relationship according to me. i am 30 and he is 37. we have both never been married before. i have no children but he has a baby who is 8 months, with his ex . i speak to this guy on the phone almost every day and we see each other every other day. we leave in the same neighbourhood. now, the thing is on these days we see each other either i will sleep over at his place or he at mine. we do not have sex on most of these times and we basically have sex maybe twice a month but we sleep in the same bed. we dont really go out together much or do anything together. now, is this relationship going anywhere? i would like to know where i stand with him so,what should i do or say to know what he is thinking or where he would like to go. please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): Well one thing that might be useful to keep in mind is that this guy recently got out of a relationship with someone else. What makes it more complicated is that they have a child together. So what is up with them?? Are they officially over?? And is this something you can live with?? I am just asking because I am single with no children and ideally I would like to get involved with somebody who also has no children. Because of this I would probably never date someone who has a child. So is that something that you can accept in the long run??
In any case, if you don't mind, and you would like to forge ahead, then I would approach it not by asking him where you stand but rather by telling him where you would like to stand with him. Just tell him how you feel about him, that you love him, you think he is the best and you would like to make your relationship official. You should continue by telling him your future plans and the things that you would like for your future, such as marriage, and how soon you would like to get married, and tell him that you would like to do these things with him. And then see what he says.
Some people might advice you to just come out and ask him what he wants. But I would not do this if I were you. Asking guys questions like that is like pulling teeth. Furthermore, he might give you vague answers to your questions that might lead you on to think something other than how he really feels. On the other hand, guys like it when a woman is confident enough to take charge and say what is on her mind. So just take charge of this situation and tell him how you feel and what you want. And then see how he responds. He will either come out and say that he feels the same way. In that case, you will have your answer. Or he might say that you are moving too fast, or that he isn't ready. In this case, take it to mean he is not that interested. Or he might not say much. In this case, take it to also mean that he is unsure and perhaps not that interested. And if he is not that interested then your best bet is to just move on. But if he feels the same way as you, then I hope it works out between you two.
And just in case, next time, don't wait 10 months to find out how a guy feels for you. That is WAY too long. A guy knows if he loves you pretty much instantly. So there is no excuse for you not knowing in the FIRST month if it is worth it for you to keep pursuing or not.
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