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*inkfink
writes: basically i have been with my partner for 20 yrs we have 2 children. our relationship had always been difficult but after having my 1st baby i went off sex and after about 6 weeks he started to demand it and he would get so very cross and grumpy for days on end that it just worked out better for me to just do it, even though i didnt want to. now 13 yrs later i cant bear him near me, we havent 'done it' in 2 years we tried in the summer and it was awful, i cant stand the thought of it, i like him in every other way way but now he is hinting to me and the kids that the end is nigh!! so question... how do i spend the rest of my life with someone who hates me cos i wont make love to him? should it all end? i am very frightened to be alone with the 2 girls, but these stupid mind games cant go on. Reply to this Question
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reader, ButterflyonFire +, writes (26 September 2006):
 Hi PinkFink,
It's not healthy to be in a relationship where your constantly having to deal with someone who is hinting that he's going to end it. And I know not everyone wants to have sex all the time, but have you went to the doctor to see if you might have a hormonal imbalance? I'm not saying this because your partner wants sex, but because I've heard of many women that lose their sexual desire because of this and it can be treated.
Onto other things..
You've been with him for 13 years. There are some things you need to think about. Are you happy? Are you just staying with him because of your girls?
It sounds to me like you two either need to think about considering getting some couple counseling (I hate suggesting that) or you need to to think about breaking about on your own. It really sounds like to me that you deserve much better. Someone who will not press you to have sex. You may find that the sexual problems lay with him and maybe with someone else you wouldn't have the same problem. But all things considered I want you to know that even tho it may be frightening you can make a good life for you and your girls without him. You don't need a man to be happy. I've prolly went all over the place trying to answer you question, but I hope I've helped atleast a tiny bit. If you need someone to talk to feel free to leave me a message.
~Jamie
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